Grand Theft Auto 4 – Trophies and Tips

Grand Theft Auto 4 – Trophies and Tips

Here are the names of the Grand Theft Auto 4 trophies, and some tips on how you can achieve them. The tips were written based on my ps3 experience but lots of the tips are also relevant to the xbox and pc versions of the game.

51 Total Trophies: Platinum Trophy 1 Platinum Gold Trophy 3 Gold Silver Trophy 5 Silver Bronze Trophy 42 Bronze Hidden Trophy 12 of these are hidden

Bronze Trophy
Off The Boat

You have completed the first mission.

No tips required!

Bronze Trophy
One Hundred And Eighty

You scored 180 with 3 darts.

No tips required!

Bronze Trophy
Pool Shark

You beat a friend at pool.

Packie is the worst at pool so prbably best to play against him if you are having trouble getting this one.

Bronze Trophy
King of QUB3D

You beat the high score in QUB3D.

This one takes a bit of time but isn’t that hard and QUB3D arcade machines are found all over each of the islands. It will tell you how to play when you have a go and you just have to beat the highscore at the top of the screen.

Bronze Trophy
Finish Him

You completed 10 melee counters in 4 minutes.

This trophy is bloody difficult! There is also a bit of confusion about over what counts as a melee counter so let me clear that up a bit. A melee counter is where you lock onto a pedestrian target with only your fists equipt. When the other guy takes a swing at you, dodge it by pressing X. You then need to hit him back straight after by pressing circle or triangle – This will do a counter combo sort of thing.

Just a few other notes on this one – You can die while doing it and your streak will continue. Say you get 5 counters in 2mins then you die – You then have 2mins to get another 5 from the hospital spawn point. You will have to provoke someone to start fighting you and you can’t melee counter someone with a gun so don’t try! Good locations to do this are the helicopter tours place or near where you start the game at Roman’s taxi place.

Bronze Trophy
Genetically Superior

You came first in 20 singleplayer street races.

When you gain brucie as a friend and get his respect you will be able to do races by phoning him up. Win 20 races for this achievement – Most of them are easy but make sure you are in a decent enough car with minimal damage when you get to the start line.

Bronze Trophy
Wheelie Rider

You completed a 500 foot wheelie on a motorbike.

You may find that you get this achievement without even noticing. The easiest and best way to do it (ps3 users) is to go to your mobile and select SIXAXIS. While testing the SIXAXIS control of vehicles you will get the chance to do it on a motorbike. Simply position your controller correctly and do a massive wheelie down the airport runway!

Bronze Trophy
Gobble Gobble

You got a turkey in 10-pin bowling.

This is another real tough one to get! Go to the bowling alley and it don’t matter if you chose full game or half game – full game you get more tries if you mess it up. Pick the lane on the left and once there, take two steps to the left. All you have to do now is pull the control stick straight down then push the stick up slowly and in a stright line. This can take some practise and it may help if you use something to move the stick against so you ensure it goes in a straight line.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
Driving Mr. Bellic

You unlocked the special ability of Roman’s taxi.

All you have to do for this one is make Roman like you. You need to get the like pecentage up to around 80% and then Roman will offer you his taxi service. Get the percentage up by taking him out to dinner, for drinks etc often.

Bronze Trophy
Rolled Over

You managed 5 car rolls in a row from one crash.

There are many ways to do this one but its certainly not easy. Most people seem to head for the airport when trying to gain this achievement as there is pleanty of space to build up speed and crash into the various obstacles. There is still a lot of luck involved in this achievement, some may do it first time, other may take thousands of attempts. You may get this by accident when doing the unique stunt jumps so may want to do this one after that.

Bronze Trophy
Walk Free

You successfully lost a 4 star wanted rating.

This is fairly easy to achieve and you actually have to do this as in at least one of the main missions you will have a four star wanted rating. There are various ways and I did it by simply watching the minimap and driving down roads with no police cars. You can hide under motorway ramps, use a boat (easier to escape) or try going into your house and saving the game.

Bronze Trophy
Courier Service

You completed all 10 package delivery jobs.

When you become friends with Little Jacob you will be able to find work from him. Go to Little Jacob in the phonebook and pick “Job”. Complete all 10 of the missions to unlock this trophy.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
Retail Therapy

You unlocked the special ability of buying guns from Little Jacob.

All you have to do for this one is make Little Jacob like you. You need to get the like pecentage up to around 80% and then Little Jacob will offer you his gun service. Get the percentage up by taking him out to dinner, for drinks etc often.

Bronze Trophy
Chain Reaction

You exploded 10 vehicles in 10 seconds.

For this one, most people head to the central area of the game, grab a bus and block a road or bridge. You let the cars build up behind and rocket launch/grenade your way to victory.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
Lowest Point

You completed the mission “Roman’s Sorrow”.

You will do this as part of the main missions.

Bronze Trophy
Order Fulfilled

You completed all 10 Exotic Export orders.

Find a computer and check your e-mail for e-mails from Brucie. Brucie will describe a vehicle he wants and you have to go fetch it for him. Select the “Positive Reply” option on the e-mail. A marker will appear on your minimap where the vehicle is located, just pick it up and take it to Brucie’s garage – The less damage on the vehicle, the more cash you get.

Bronze Trophy

You completed the most wanted side mission.

Get any type of police car and access the police computer while the vehicle is not moving. Select most wanted, pick a criminal and the marker will appear on your map. Some people moan that they have killed all the most wanted but no trophy/achievement yet. This is because there are 10 criminals on each island to kill and you have to kill all 30 of them! To access the different islands criminals you must use the police computer on each island to see them.

Bronze Trophy
Cleaned The Mean Streets

You caught 20 criminals through the police computer.

Get any type of police car and access the police computer while the vehicle is not moving. Look at the view current crimes section and the easy ones are the ones on foot as you can normally just run them over and there is no car chase involved. If there are no easy ones displayed just restart the police computer and it will display a different set of criminals. Do this 20 times and you have this trophy.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
Fed The Fish

You completed the mission “Uncle Vlad”.

No tips required – Just complete the Uncle Vlad mission that comes as one of the main missions.

Bronze Trophy
It’ll Cost Ya

You made a taxi trip from one island to another without skipping.

Very boring but very easy, just get a cab to one side of a bridge then get in it again and ask it to take you to the other. Just avoid the temptation to skip the journey 😛

Bronze Trophy

You have taken all variations of the helicopter tours of Liberty City.

You have to unlock all of the islands first to be able to do this trophy/achievement. To the South of the middle island there is a helitours icon on the map – go there and you will see big yellow H markings on the floor where each tour should be. You need to get in each of these helicopters as a passenger for this trophy, do not steal them. You can skip the actual journey once it takes off and this trophy/achievement will still count. Take a ride in all of the helicopters on all of the markings to unlock this – some helicopters may be missing from the markings when you get there but just come back later.

Bronze Trophy
Warm Coffee

You were invited into your girlfriend’s house.

Pretty easy, you can get this trophy from Michelle near the beginning of the game or meet Kiki, Carmen, or Alex from the internet. All you have to do is take them out to the places they like, get them to like you and then at the end of the date you get the option to try your luck. After a few dates you should be able to take the relationship to the next level for this trophy 😉

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
That’s How We Roll!

You unlocked the special ability of Brucie’s helicopter ride.

All you have to do is get Brucie to like you by taking him out etc. Eventually you will unlock the helicopter ride Brucie bonus and will be able to use your mobile to arrange one with him.

Bronze Trophy
Half Million

You have amassed a fortune of $500,000.

If you complete all of the main story mission then you should easily get enough cash to get this trophy. There are loads of other ways to make up the money if you are short at the end.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
Impossible Trinity

You completed the mission “Museum Piece”.

No tip really required with this one – Just complete the mission.

Bronze Trophy
Full Exploration

You unlocked all the islands.

If you work your way through the main missions then you will eventually unlock all of the island and this trophy.

Bronze Trophy
You Got The Message

You delivered all 30 cars ordered through text message.

Stevie will send you a MMS showing you a car picture and a location. The location isn’t exact and requires a bit of hunting once you get to the area. The car will always be parked (not driving round) and the bottom right of the screen will tell you what area you are in. Once you get in the right car it will direct you to the garage and you can deliver the car there – remember the less damage the more cash you get! Stevie will send you another text a few hours later for the next car.

Bronze Trophy
Assassin’s Greed

You completed all 9 assassin missions.

In Alderney there will be a payphone ringing – answer this to get the assasin missions. You should always come stocked up with armour and weapons but there will be some left near the payphone too once you finish the call.

Bronze Trophy
Under The Radar

You flew under all the main bridges in the game.

For this trophy/achievement you need to fly under every single bridge on the map. There are 14 in total and its best to use a helicopter – most will not be too difficult but there are some very low ones that may take a few goes. Everytime you fly under a bridge, icons will flash up on the map for a couple of seconds to show the other bridges you still have to fly under.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
Dial B For Bomb

You unlocked the special ability of Packie’s car bomb placement.

All you have to do is get Packie to like you by taking him out etc. Eventually you will unlock the car bomb perk and will be able to use your mobile to order this from him.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
Gracefully Taken

You completed the mission “I’ll Take Her”.

No tips required – Just complete this mission as part of the main story.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
No More Strangers

You’ve met all the random characters.

When you find a random character in game they will appear as a blue person symbol on your map when you are near them. Go up and talk to them to meet them. Some will give you a mini-mission and other will just chat for a bit.

Hidden Trophy
Bronze Trophy
That Special Someone

You completed the mission “That Special Someone”.

No tips required – Just complete this mission as part of the main story.

Bronze Trophy

You killed 5 opposing team members.

Do this on multiplayer in any of the team games. You can set up a game with people you know to get this trophy easily by just killing them.

Bronze Trophy
Cut Your Teeth

You were successfully promoted up a rank in multiplayer.

Very easy, just do a few multiplayer games and you will get this straight away.

Bronze Trophy
Join The Midnight Club

You won a multiplayer race without damaging your vehicle too much.

I am a good driver and my favourite events are the race events but I still didn’t get this for a while. You need to have a lot of skill and a bit of luck as how many times in each race do other people drive into you? Failing this you can do a private race with a mate.

Bronze Trophy
Fly the co-op

You completed “Deal Breaker”, “Hangman’s NOOSE” and “Bomb da Base II” in time.

Here are the times you have to beat for each one:

Bomb Da Base II: 5:34

Hangman’s Noose: 2:32

Deal Breaker: 7:05

Bomb Da Base II:

I recommend 3 or 4 players to beat Bomb Da Base in under that time. I’ll separate it into 3 parts: part 1 – stop and get the truck to meeting point. part 2 – fly to the boat. part 3 – plant the bombs.

– Part 1: The first part actually should take the longest and requires a bit of luck. Hopefully when you start it’s up the street and not far away. When you get to the truck, ignore the two SUV with the back up. Just start unloading on the truck, shooting from in front of it if you can. Shooting at the drivers even though the glass is bullet proof seems to cause them to stop faster. Once you got the truck, just follow the GPS yellow path, it’s usually the quickest for getting to the meeting point.

– Part 2: This is where most people waste time. The fastest way to fly there is over the building. Don’t try the fancy maneuvers between buildings and ****. Just up and over. But don’t waste time going all the way over all the skyscrapers. There are plenty of spaces between them at high altitudes. Now pay attention. The fastest way to proceed is to actually “land” on top of the bridge. You probably won’t end up landing safely and will have to bail out. Just make sure you end up within 1 or 2 stories down from the bridge.

– Part 3: This is where you need to split up. One guys should be enough to kill everyone on the top 2 floors (including the bridge) and plant that bomb. The rest should just hop over the railings to get down the ground floor faster. Kill any incoming enemies as you come down. Ignore all enemies from the rest of the ship. Then rush in the main door while going trigger happy, you want to get the drop on them; don’t bottleneck the doorway, just move right into the kitchen and let the whole team get in. You goal is to go through the kitchen and the main room, straight down to the cargo hold. This is where it might get tricky. After the stairs, take out the 1 or 2 guys in the first room, then everyone should just toss grenades through the door. Whoever has armor (remember communication is important) should rush that door to the cargo hold while the rest back him up. The grenades should’ve taken out at least 2-3 guys. After that just rush to the bomb site, but watch out for the rest hiding behind cargo. Toss more grenades if you still have them or shoot the red gas tank in the center, that should knock at least 2 guys out of their hiding places. Lastly, the guy in the bridge should follow after planting that bomb up there. Some enemies in the middle floor (which you guys should’ve skipped comletely) will be going down the cargo hold. What the guy from the bridge should do is catch those so they can’t ambush the team coming up from the cargo hold.

Just jump over the side of the ship after planting the bombs, don’t bother going to the ramps.

I’ve done this with two other people a few times and at least once finished just about before 5 min 30 sec. Once you get part 2 and 3 down, they become very predictable and systematic. The main variation is where the truck spawns in part 1 and whether the cops will give you alot of trouble.

Hangman’s Noose:

1. Go for the baggage cart at the beginning, and if you do get it drive to the helicopters.

2. If you don’t get on the cart then shoot as many of the police as you can and ignore the cash drops.

3. By the time one/two of your team is landing the helicopter the other team should have killed enough police for Petrovic to appear. All should be covering the remaining guards while Petrovic get in the chopper. Try and have your seats planned etc and have everyone on board as quick as you can.

4. Don’t worry about careful landings, fly as fast as possible to the evac point, don’t overshoot it.

5. Always go for the crash-landing at the end of the map.

Deal Breaker:

This ones difficult, you need to do two things in particular:

– Clear the building of enemies fast

– Have a good helicopter pilot who knows where to land to cut enemies off (in front of the bikers)

With two people one should drive, while the other flies…you both will arrive at about the same time. The Driver should take the car that is outside then drive for the highway (not the backstreet route) and drive off at the end.

The flier should run into the garage and grab the car on the left (west) right away and drive it and turn left so it is parked in the garage up against the divider between the 2 doors, this will prop both doors open (this allows you to fly into the garage at the end at high speed to end the mission). Get out and get in the passenger side of the other car to get in the other car the fastest. It takes about 6 extra seconds to park the car and get in the other car, you make more then this up at the end and it only affects the flier at the start.

The flier should driver out and make a hard left around the side of the house and head immediately north… toward the back of the house… there is a small wall back there, turn left at the last second and you will jump it… this is a bit tricky and you will land on your roof sometimes… drive north to the first corner turn right and you will approach the house with the heli… grab heli and fly to the site… keep as low as possible…. as you approach the site, fly under the highway and stay low– as you get close, let off the throttle pull back and you will decellerate and rise up high enough to land on the roof quickly.

Having someone drive and the other fly does 2 things, it seems to make more bikers spawn on the ground level (when the driver arrives first) and these are easier to clear than inside the building

As the driver I usually will work around the N. side of the building, getting everyone on the N. side (there will be quite a few) including all the bad guys you can reach on the 2nd floor from the ground then work up to the 3rd level sweeping each level to collect each card dropped– you should encounter your partner on either the 3rd or 4th floor and be clearing up any stragglers/cards. To have a shot at the time, you have to have the building cleared before the 5 minute point– the faster the better.

The flyer should sweep the upper levels with one player then with two as there are always just 7 bad guys on the top 2 levels and all can be reached from the roof (you can shoot the leve 6 guys from the top level– they are always in the same places– when you do shoot down at them, be careful not to miss any packages dropped– these are hard to see some times.

Nobody on the 5th (but there is a rocket launcher near the stairs on the east side you might want to grab– there are 2 rocket launchers on the 5th floor and 2 more on the fourth– you need to grab at least 1 of them (picks up 3)– if you die, you get to keep these so don’t waste time picking them up again if this happens- work down to the 4th floor– I normally clear the 4th floor working from the east– as you go down the stairs, stop half way down and you can shoot 4 bad guys from this spot (2 are close to you, 2 are to the west and you will shoot them over the obstructions– there are only 2 other guys on this floor (6 total)– if the driver is a bit slow, go down to level 3 and shoot a few of the stragglers– but give yourself time to head back up top to grab the heli before the last guy and package are clear– if you both have mics, and they are down to 1 package or one guy left to kill– tell them to hold off until you get up to the roof (if you don’t have mics– the “driver” should just wait and listen for the heli blades to start spinning up before doing this– when on the roof, they can pick it up or kill the bad guy and you will have time to get in the heli and fly down to the quay to shoot the boat with the rocket launcher (if you get this spawn)– if you get one of the land spawns– fly to the cut offs immediately land far enough in front that you have time to get out and shoot them– use rockets on the van, AK for the bikers….

The driver should have ran or jumped down to the ground level when the building is clear– you can jump from the 3rd level and survive if you have sufficient health– you can jump from the 2nd without any loss of health.

If you get the boat spawn– head to the quay (corner)– get in the heli and spin up the blades as the flyer shoots the boat with the rocket launcher so you can immediately take off when he gets in.

If you get one of the land spawns head down to the bikes/cars and drive to the cut offs– you will arrive about the time the flier takes them out and is back in the heli– get in and fly back….

.. fly back to the house and come in low and hot and straight and fly into the garage door you propped open earlier- this will end the mission if you land it right– takes some practice…

Bronze Trophy
Taking It For The Team

You were on the winning team in all multiplayer team games.

You just have to win:
1. Team Deathmatch
2. Team Mafia Work
3. Team Car Jack City
4. Turf War
5. Cops’n’Crooks

Bronze Trophy
Top Of The Food Chain

You successfully killed 20 players with a pistol in a deathmatch.

No tips required – Easy enough.

Bronze Trophy
Top The Midnight Club

You won 20 different multiplayer standard races.

This one means winning almost all variations of standard races. You can check which races you have already won using the stats page and going to network. Its difficult as normally you will have to do the race another player sets until you gain control of the race settings. Even when you have the race settings you still have to actually win! Obviously you can use a friend to setup games and take it in turns to win/lose until you have the achievement.

Bronze Trophy
Auf Wiedersehen Petrovic

You won in all variations of multiplayer games.

Rediculous trophy – you have to win every variation of game which means every race, every level on all teams. You can obviously set up games with friends but it takes a long time.

Bronze Trophy
Let Sleeping Rockstars Lie

You killed a Rockstar in multiplayer.

This achievement is awarded if you manage to kill a Rockstar developer…don;t worry though, you can also get it for killing someone who killed someone who killed someone who killed a Rockstar developer. Play a few deathmatches and you should get this without much effort.

Silver Trophy
One Man Army

You survived a 6 star wanted level for a full 5 minutes.

Easiest way to get the 6 stars is to go onto one of the islands you haven’t unlocked yet, early in the game. Easy ways to survive the 6 stars is to find a place where the police can’t get to you. Hiding under bridges, in buildings or in tunnels.

Silver Trophy
Dare Devil

You completed all the unique stunt jumps.

Always use a motor bike unless you happen to find one of the faster cars in the game. Google a stunt jump map you can tick off as you go along.

Silver Trophy
Endangered Species

You collected every hidden package in the game.

Kill all the pigeons around the map to get this – there are 200 and its easy to miss one even when you are following systematically. Trust me i’m on 199 and ill remain there forever at this rate……… Google a pigeon location map you can tick off as you go along.

Silver Trophy
Liberty City (5)

Your friends all like you above 90%.

You get this by hard work and making sure your pals are all happy with you. The 5 are Dwayne, Packie, Little Jacob, Brucie, and Roman – If one of them died in the main mission then you do not have to make them happy and can still get this trophy. All have particulr places they like going, particular times they are available, particular items they like you wearing and particular cars they like to travel in. You can check how happy they ar with you on the stats menu – get them all to like you 90% and you will have this. Answer their calls if they call you and some missions will automatically increase the amount some characters like you so best done later in the game.

Hidden Trophy
Silver Trophy
You Won!

You have completed the story.

No tips required – Just complete all the main missions.

Gold Trophy
Liberty City Minute

You finished the story in less than 30 hours.

You need to decide if your going to go for this trophy from the very start, it will change the way you play this game. I decided to go for this trophy and drove everywhere as fast as I could, reloaded failed missions and generally did everything as fast as I could. My mistake was not using the taxis and the “skip” feature to lower time actually playing. Once I realised this makes every journey five times as quick I got this trophy in no time.

Gold Trophy
Key To The City

You completed GTA IV to 100%.

To get 100% completion it takes a long time and there are many things you could miss along the way! Heres a list of the things you need to do:

Story Missions – 60%

– Complete every available story mission.

Procedural Missions – 8%

– Little Jacob drug delivery – 2%

– Brucie 10 cars export – 2%

– Brucie Races – 2%

– Assassinations – 2%

Car Thefts – 2%

– Deliver all 30 vehicles requested by Stevie via text message to the garage

Friends – 10%

– Open all unique abilities

— You must unlock all unique abilities from friends.

— Brucie – Helicopter

— Little Jacob – Guns

— Packie – Bomb

—- You do not need to keep the abilities unlocked, you just have to unlock them all at least once.

– Complete every possible activity with each friend.

— You must actually BEAT your friends at pool, darts, and bowling.

— Dwayne, Michelle, and Roman do NOT count towards the percentage.

Games – 5%

– Beat all games at least once

— Darts vs friend or computer – 1.25%

— Bowling vs friend in a FULL game – 1.25%

— Pool vs friend or computer win – 1.25%

— QUB3D beat high score – 1.25%

Random Characters – 5%

– Find all the random characters and complete all their missions

— NOTE: The achievement for No More Strangers only requires you to meet each random character once, for the percentage, you must complete all parts i.e. Brian Part 1, 2, and 3.

— Jeff, Cherise, Clarence, and Ivan do NOT count towards the percentage.

Most Wanted – 2.5%

– Kill all 30 PEDs on list

Vigilante – 2.5%

– Complete 20 crimes

Flying Rats – 2.5%

– Find all 200 pigeons

Unique Stunt Jumps – 2.5%

– Complete all 50 stunt jumps

Gold Trophy

You achieved the highest personal rank possible in multiplayer.

This trophy takes ages and the quickest way to get your cash up is by playing hangmans noose on hard difficulty. To see the multiplayer ranks and rewards please take a look at our multiplayer guide:

Hidden Trophy
Platinum Trophy
Taking A Liberty

Sorry for taking liberties with your time!

Platinum Trophy! Get all other trophies!

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God of War III Review 22/03/2010

God of War III 22/03/2010 – It’s easily the most stunning, brutal, bloody and epically huge entry in the series, but, it pains me to say, its not the best.

If you type in “greatest game ever” into Google you are more than likely to come across Kratos and “Santa Monica Studios” God of War series (that’s how I found it many years ago). The tale of a bald, pale, burly killing machine has got to be one of the greatest in gaming history. It had outstanding, smooth, flowing combat that was easy to get into and rewarding to master, the graphics also pushed what the PS2 was capable of and you were guaranteed vast monsters, titans and gods to battle, the size of which no one had ever encountered before. Now wielding the power of the PS3, this is the third and final chapter in the tale and fans, to which there are millions, will be expecting, nay, demanding the ultimate in the franchise. We don’t have to consider whether this game will be bad or not, as it of course amazing, but given the weight of expectation, does it pay true homage to one of the best series of games ever, does it become the ultimate finally and the ultimate God of War game, as it should be? In this third game you play Kratos once more, the cursed Spartan general who inadvertently murdered his own wife and daughter, as he joins the mighty titans in their assault on Mount Olympus to eradicate the Olympians once and for all, in particular Zeus, the king of the Gods who betrayed Kratos and will stop at nothing to see him tortured in the pits of the underworld for an eternity (if you want to know how Kratos got into this situation I highly recommend you play the first two PS2 games). After Kratos and Gaiya (the leader of the titans) fight Poseidon, whilst climbing mount Olympus, they get within firing range of Zeus, who then shows them why he is the most powerful of immortals, blasts them with a particularly potent lightning bolt, and Kratos gets tossed from Mount Olympus and into Hades’ realm of the underworld. Having had his powers and weapons stripped off him by his quick swim in the river Styx, he meets Athena once again, who is still a god but without physical form, who tells him that Pandora’s box still exists and still holds the power to kill a god, but it is now protected by the Flame of Olympus, a power source from which Zeus draws his mightiness and something that neither a mortal or god can touch. Athena gives Kratos the Blades of Exile, to earn his trust, and he now has to escape Hades and the underworld, find out how to eradicate the flame of Olympus, open Pandora’s box once more and use its powers to kill Zeus, the whole time slaughtering any Olympians or titans that stand in his way. It’s business as usual with the God of War franchise as it’s another epic Kratos quest, where you will have to traverse a world nestled in Greek Mythology, kill a hell of a lot of enemies in ludicrous hand to hand combat, solve puzzles, meet other characters along the way and have some seriously huge boss battles.

What’s good?

It’s hard to pick one thing that is the best in God of War III, but probably the most impressive, at least the most jaw dropping, aspect is the sheer epic scale of it. It’s ridiculous in places. God of War games have always pushed the boundaries of having vast settings and battles and fighting monsters the size of sky scrapers. Now with the power of the PS3, Santa Monica Studios have gone mental. Fighting titans such as Kronos and Olympians such as Poseidon put the piffling tiny little Colossus of Rhodes, from the second game, to shame. One of Kronos’ finger nails is the size of a mansion for example, and don’t think for a second he is just in the back ground, as he is actually a fully interactive boss fight, where you will have to dodge his massive attacks (understatement of the century) and climb all over his city sized frame, that constantly moves, to defeat him. From the word “go” you are straight into a boss fight riding on the back of the titan Gaiya, who is an entire level on her own and you will traverse her arms fighting enemies whilst the titan is moving all over the place forcing Kratos to fight hanging from a ceiling one second to climbing a wall the next, the whole time Olympians are fighting titans in the background. The labyrinth is also a particularly impressive and difficult level, as you have to go through room after room that’s laden with horrific booby traps, as well as zooming up the path of Eos, a giant windy tunnel that goes up through Mount Olympus, along side the stupidly huge “Chain of Balance” that links mount Olympus to the underworld. The views of the pits of Tartarus are jaw dropping, as is the whole underworld/Hades realm, and Mount Olympus itself, which you have to scale, is ludicrously vast. The camera will zoom in and out regularly at particularly vast action set pieces to really give you the epically biblically huge scale this game is based on and it does not once stop to load, pause, or stop for a cut scene or have any interruptions whatsoever. It is honestly beyond any boundary you will have seen before in terms of enormity and it will blow you away.

It has the best visuals ever seen in gaming. They are stunning. Think how good looking several PS3 titles have been, such as Uncharted 2, Resident Evil 5, Dead Space, all hugely impressive visually and they have nothing on God of War III. They have all these incredibly vast beasts and bosses, a lot of them made of fire, water and various textures that are hard to simulate digitally, and not one has the tiniest detail missed. You can even see the finger prints on the titans hands whenever you get picked up by one, or grabbed. That’s the level of detail this game has. Kratos himself is possibly the best looking character in gaming with every muscle, hair, vain and tooth digitally sculpted to perfection. As he is slaughtering enemies their blood will splatter over him, which is done in drip by drip detail, I kid you not. The particularly gory “brutal” kills/finishing moves are unbelievable as you will literally spill intestines, bladders, lungs, you name the organ, in a splatter on the floor and they are all flawless visually. The fire effects are perfect, the water effects are perfect even when a water beast the shape of a horse with crab legs is attacking you it never once loses its visual perfection. The level design as well is eye watering with fine detail and brilliance. Just take a look around every temple you set foot in, it is brimming with detail, to the shadows cast, the light effects a torch has on surrounding objects, even the reflection in shiny floor surfaces. It is unbelievably good and is without doubt the new graphical benchmark for all PS3 games.

The action, combat and fighting is just as full of combos and has a few neat additions. Those of you familiar with Kratos’ moves will be instantly right at home from the start. Even after his dip in the river Styx, and has to build up his skills and moves once more, its still pretty familiar stuff. The light (square) and heavy (triangle) attacks remain the same as does the ability to combo with them, and combo you will. You can toss enemies into the air as before, perform a “cyclone of chaos”, grab enemies mid-air and smash them into the ground and generally splatter ghouls and demons all over the place. You can also upgrade everything with souls as in all other games which unlocks new moves and skills and does more damage etc. There’s a few pretty decent additions now though, such as using “L1 + triangle” to grapple enemies from a distance and shoulder charge them. This is really good for knocking bigger enemies back or stunning them and it’s absolutely vital when trying to get at foes that fly. It also allows Kratos to stay in the air longer whilst slicing enemies up, a very vital part of Kratos’ skills when trying harder difficulties. When you grab enemies you now have two choices, punching them in the face several times then ripping their heads off (by repeatedly pressing circle) as before, or picking them up, running round and using them as a battering ram to damage many enemies at once (pressing square). This is a particularly useful new skill when swarmed by many enemies at once, which happens frequently. Another addition is Kratos, with a select few beasts such as a three headed fire breathing dog or massive club wielding Cyclops, can now jump on such monsters and use them to attack other enemies. Again it’s very vital and quite satisfying to use a giant Cyclops to batter a shit load of smaller enemies all over the place, before ripping its eye ball from its head. There are some new weapons as well (more in them in a bit) but a particularly useful and satisfying one is the Nemean Cestus, two huge gauntlets that are basically used to pummel all enemies to death. Some of the moves associated with the gauntlets are such good fun and regularly smash and batter enemies all over the place when used at the right time. Ploughing into a huge swarm of enemies with a few powerful strikes with the Nemean Cestus really sends them all flying and splattering against walls, floors and ceilings, particularly enjoyable when in the Labyrinth as most surfaces are laden with spikes. Kratos has new magic attacks as well that are assigned to weapons, making them much easier to use, such as an attack that surrounds you with shields and spears and rains arrows from the sky. Not only does it make you temporarily invincible but does huge damage to many enemies at once and is often a life saver. You will also blind enemies with the head of Helios, and summon souls to attack enemies for you. You can also use the sword of Olympus but it is now a special move that you have to build up over time, and, when ready, you press L3 and R3 and you get a short stint of Kratos going ballistic with it slicing the living crap out of everything (its identical to the “rage of the gods” from the first game and “rage of the titans” ability from the second game). It’s good for when the chips are down. If you have not played God of War before then you are in for a treat as it is easily still one of the most satisfying combat systems available in gaming, as all God of War games have been.

There are treasures to find and a battle arena to keep you playing. This time round you don’t get to keep your weapons you pick up throughout the game (more on that in a bit) but you do get treasures as an alternative. You find these as you play through the game, such as Poseidon’s Conch and Hercules’ armour, and you can activate them when playing through the same difficulty a second time round (you have to complete the game on a specific difficulty before you can use them). They will make Kratos more powerful by making enemy attacks do less damage or giving you unlimited magic for example. You can also play through as Kratos in a different costume (called “Fear Kratos”) which makes you deal quadruple damage, but also receive quad damage yourself. None of these things are particularly necessary (and I would rather have the gear I collect to be honest) but they will give a bit of incentive to play through a few times on different difficulties. You also have the challenges and battle arena which basically give Kratos some objectives in a small arena, such as killing a load of enemies with just your bare hands or making sure the number of constantly spawning enemies doesn’t go over 50, a particularly fun and mental challenge. They are all particularly tough, but pretty good fun and will add to the length of playing time and value for money.

It is easily the most brutal, bloody and gory instalment so far. With Kratos you expect a vast amount of blood but he really does himself proud in this title. You will frequently rip heads from bodies with your bare hands, tear beasts in two with your blades, pull eye balls from heads, slice open beasts spilling their organs on the floor, amputate limbs, snap necks, pull wings off harpies and generally perform any and all brutal kills you can think of. Of course he has done similar things before, however with the new visual detail it really does seem more horrific. This is nothing compared to the wrath he saves for the Olympians. Obviously he is out to get these guys mainly, Poseiden, Hades, Helios, Hermes and Zeus (with a few other mythological figures thrown in), and the manner in which he slaughters these guys is truly horrific. He rips heads from bodies, gouges out eyes with his thumbs, severs legs, chokes to death, pummels their faces so hard you can see their skull, stamps on heads, knees in faces and gives Zeus one of the most almighty pummelling’s I have seen an enemy take in a game for a while. At a few occasions you will get a first person view of what its like to be an Olympian that Kratos is pounding into the ground, and it is very haunting being on the receiving end of his wrath for a change. Every time you defeat a boss hold on to your stomach as you are in for a truly blood soaked finally.

What’s bad?

The extra enemies on screen at one time are not a good idea. Of all the additions to this game, most of them good, one that really does not work is the vast amount of enemies on screen at one time. You can get up to 50 enemies vs Kratos now, which sounds cool and Santa Monica boasted at length about this, but it just doesn’t work. The previous titles were forgiving with their attacks, to an extent, as the combat system can’t cope with such intensity, and rightly so as it worked perfectly. This time round they totally swarm you. Literally you will be bombarded from every conceivable angle, constantly, without pause or allowing for a single error. You simply can’t deal with it. Whilst you’re attacking 4 or 5 enemies in one direction, another 10 will stab you in the back, the whole time a massive centaur is running round trying to skewer you with his lance, whilst archers shower you with arrows, flying harpies dive bomb you from above and fire breathing beasts attack you from afar with flame moves that cover most of the ground you are fighting on. It’s ridiculously over the top and maddening in places, I don’t know what they were thinking! What makes such a thing even worse is that if Kratos was well equipped to deal with such ludicrous amounts of attacks it would not be so bad, but he isn’t. There are some moves to allow you to deal with this sort of thing but not enough to fully counteract the total number of enemies on screen and you certainly won’t have the necessary weapons or upgrades until about a third of the way through for such skills to be of any use. You only have a few attacks that hit many enemies at once and I only reckon two of these are actually useful: the grapple where you use them as a battering ram, which you can only do to a select few enemies, and the gauntlets’ spinning attack. The blades of exile’ cyclone of chaos combo is just too weak to be useful and the various heavy attacks with the blades take too long to charge up and are too slow. By the time Kratos has got round to swinging a heavy attack he could have been stabbed at least ten times. I’m sure having Kratos battle 50 enemies at once seemed like a good idea on paper, but it really doesn’t work, and they should have left the combat alone.

Sticking pins in your eyes is preferable to some of the fights in this game. They are utterly interminable! Remember the huge rotating spiked pillars in the underworld from the first game, where if you get touched you fall and have to start again, and it takes around 3 years of your life to do and you would rather live in hell for that time? Remember that infuriating circular room that Kratos has to lower by hand from the second game, whilst a spiked ceiling comes down on you, the whole time skeletons are attacking you and grinding the lowering mechanism to a halt? Remember that room in Persephone’s castle, from the PSP title, that’s very small with two massive armour plated Cyclops’ smashing pretty much every inch of the limited floor space, the whole time harpies are dive bombing you and you can’t hit them as they are constantly in flight? Remember how much you screamed in fury? Remember wanting to attack your console with a meat clever, or saw your own legs off rather than persevering with these horrible, shitty, bloody awful, rage inducing, agonising set pieces? Well the sadists at Santa Monica Studios have kept that theme going here, with a few extra servings of fury added on top. Some of the fights in this third one are going to make you vomit blood. Such as towards the end when you have to fight a massive fiery three headed dog, that spits hundreds of smaller fiery dogs at you, at the rate of a fiery dog producing mini gun, that run after you and explode dealing massive damage, the whole time it either claws you or fires enormous fire balls that have huge range and both do loads of damage, meanwhile two goat things with massive scythe weapons (the hardest non-boss enemy in the game) are trying to turn you into luncheon meat. Also taking into account the fact that the massive sodding dog has to be killed three times as you have to hack off each head individually, each severing of which makes the dam thing a whole new boss battle again. Trying to deal damage to anything is unbelievably difficult, let alone stringing combos together, let alone constantly doing your counter, let alone evading the enemies’ attacks, and your space to manoeuvre is pretty limited. There is another on top of the labyrinth where two Minotaur’s are trying to cut a chain that’s suspending the platform your standing on, and you have to stop them otherwise its instant death, the whole time a million enemies are attacking or literally holding you back, including medusa’s, that love turning you to stone (to which you die instantly if you are in the air or get hit once), further Minotaur’s, archers shooting from a distance, the lot. You are going to want to tear every hair on your body out. Don’t even get me started on the end of game fight where you have to fight about 20 Zeus’s all with the same “thunder clap” move that can kill you in two hits, if you’re lucky, or the final fight in the labyrinth where literally every enemy in the game will be hurled at you at once, 10 times over. It’s almost as though the developers sat down after making a fight sequence and thought “well, we have made this one practically impossible, so what can we do to make it even harder?” It is more than likely a trade mark thing as all God of War games have some fight scenes in them that are horrible, but it doesn’t make them fun regardless. I know I should just do it on an easier difficulty, or simply switch it off and not bother, but that is admitting defeat, defeat is a weakness, and I am a man dammit! We can’t show weakness. Dam you Santa Monica Studio’s for preying on my pride, ignorance, stubbornness and lack of skill once more. Dam you to hell!

There are too many enemies that are so hard to kill it is ridiculous. Not only do they do things like become invisible so that they can still hit you but you can’t hit them (for fucks sake!), disappear into the floor and only popping up to do Kratos heavy damage and then disappearing again, the whole time you cant touch them (for fucks sake!), but they can take so much punishment it seems like they are indestructible. You will honestly be battering away at these guys for a ludicrous amount of time and often you will get a lot of them at once, along with other weaker enemies all looking to get a hit in when your back is turned, as well as a few minotaur’s charging around. Obviously there are things you can do to counteract their overwhelming strength and numbers but opportunities to do so are slim and if you make a mistake they will kill you very quickly, especially on your first play through and on a harder difficulty than “easy”. The first time I encountered the hooded things with dual curved blades, I spent so long hacking the crap out of them and yet they kept coming, that I thought they were indestructible and had to be fled from or trapped or something. There are moves you can do to counteract these infuriating enemies, such as pulling the hooded dudes out of the ground, but, as always with God of War games, it is not clear at all what moves will work on specific enemies and what ones wont, as some moves don’t have any effect on certain enemies at all. You can’t throw a lot of enemies, for example, and a lot of enemies block all your heavy attacks, so it’s a bit of a lottery. Why could they have not ironed such things out? I can’t see how someone at Santa Monica Studios played through this and thought “yeah that’s fine”. They don’t need to be that tough; there is too much going on elsewhere for it to be necessary.

As in all previous games, there are far too many situations where enemies can hit you and there is nothing you can do about it for my liking. This generally happens when you’re grappling an enemy and attempting to finish them off, performing a counter or cinematic move in general or when the enemy “dog-pile” you and you have to wiggle the analog frantically, which will take at least a few seconds. They can still hack away at you in many different scenarios and there is nothing you can do about it until Kratos has finished his movement and you regain control. It’s infuriating! Whenever you try and throw or do anything that isn’t constantly battering all 50 enemies on screen at the same time, which of course is impossible, they are going to slice you up at some point. This isn’t so bad on easier difficulties of course, but on the harder ones it pushes your sanity to the limits as the only way to get through such difficulties is to not take damage. To be fair, those familiar with God of War will be unsurprised as it is a problem in all games (except “chains of Olympus”), but why has it not been fixed? This should be the ultimate in the franchise, surely?

The story is more questionable than any other title and the characters are all less admirable. Despite the grander apocalyptic story this time round it is easily my least favourite in the franchise. They have re-introduced Pandora’s box from the first game which again Kratos is trying to open, then there’s the seemingly totally unnecessary flame of Olympus, which Zeus draws his power from, which isn’t touched on very much at all and then just gets kind of forgotten (why could Pandora not just be the key to the box on its own, the flame really is not necessary? Kratos kills Zeus in a way that has bog all to do with it). Kratos also starts off with powers yet again, that he then loses by falling into the river Styx and going into the underworld yet again, and he has to build up his powers yet again. Don’t argue that this is necessary as the underworld is a vital part of the God of War gaming experience, which it is, as there are reasons for him to go into the underworld later on in the game, such as to confront Kronos, so why bother killing him again? It’s literally jumbled together from bits of the previous games and I was wondering why Santa Monica Studios didn’t come up with something better, or at least more original. Kratos himself is different this time, as despite the fact he is a total butcher, slaughtering all he comes across, you always felt sorry for him, as he was a tortured pawn in more powerful hands and always the underdog. He isn’t this time, he’s too mighty and powerful, he dispatches Gods too easily and just comes across as an arsehole who wants to screw everyone over in order to get his own way. You don’t really feel sorry for him much at all (until right at the very end) and he is definitely just a bad guy rather than a good guy with a tragic history (Darth Vader style). Some people may like this, but it’s certainly not the same character I enjoyed playing as in all the other games. Zeus comes across as a school bully as well, rather than a mighty Olympian, as he does in the second game, and he just laughs at Kratos all the time and constantly says how much of a failure he is (why is he failure? Zeus wants him dead as he sees him as a threat. What’s that got to do with failing?) It’s more pathetic than intimidating. Hercules is a bad guy in this as well, which just seems wrong in this Greek mythology based world, and Atlas, the largest and possibly the most interesting titan that’s been in all but the first of the previous titles, isn’t in it at all. It does end rather well, and its definitely not a happy ending (how could such a story end happily?) however, they still leave a bit of controversy after the credits and it so isn’t worth it and if this is supposed to be the end why did they just not end it without question? The story is just an example of how bigger isn’t always better, and I really thought it was the weakest in the franchise so far, as though they were running out of ideas.

You don’t get to keep anything after completion. This one really puzzled me as that had always been a feature of God of War (except the first one), that all health upgrades, magic, weapons, skills, you name it, could be kept and played through again from the beginning, thus adding to your reasons to play again. You cant this time though. You lose everything if you have another go and you have to build it all up again. Why have they decided to get rid of this feature this time? Well I know why, as you have to back track some levels this time round and there are various areas that you can’t access in context with the story and if you had all the weapons/tools, you could, and cut out a huge chunk of story or a boss battle which obviously doesn’t work. But why not just don’t allow the weapons or magic to be used, or not be used, in the context of advancing the story, but allow you to still beat the crap out of the enemies you encounter? Why not just have a tab stating “you can’t access here right now” or something? We will understand, considering we have just played through the bloody thing. It really is baffling. Plus, unless you are incredibly anal and willing to shag Aphrodite a hundred times (long story) you wont have enough time to buy all skills and max everything out anyway, leaving you to only upgrade the blades and gauntlets (as they are the most useful in battle) every time making it repetitive, dull and ultimately pointless. Even if you do get every conceivable soul you won’t have the best skills until right at the very end. Another tinkered with feature that simply didn’t need tinkering with.

The other weapons are not great again. This will come as no surprise to any Kratos fan as, other than the gauntlet of Zeus in the PSP’s “Chains of Olympus”, nearly all his alternative weapons in all the games are pretty crap. This game is still no different as you get some cool new weapons, that look as though they would be excellent, but they are pretty much the same as your blades of chaos/exile. The Nemean Cestus are brilliant and quite vital, as are the blades of exile but Hades hooks (huge purple hooks that Hades uses to take souls) and the Nemesis Whip (triple bladed whips that blast everything with electricity) are nothing special whatsoever. They are just far too similar to the blades of exile but with a few flaws that make them not worth using. Hades hooks are too slow and almost identical to the blades of exile, but with less moves, and the nemesis whip, although deals lots of damage, cant hit many enemies at once and often leaves you open for attack mid-combo. They are not bad, but not that great either and certainly don’t add anything to the game.


When you first switch this game on you will be blown away. It is on a scale more huge and epic than anything you will have seen before, the visuals are mind blowing, and you will be right at home with Kratos, instantly performing all his awesome combos, throws, air attacks and some really good additions to the combat and magic attacks. The battle with Kronos is truly jaw dropping, as is the first fight in the game with Poseiden, and the flight up and down the path of Eos is adrenaline pumping stuff. Plus you really will have a serious duke out with Zeus, that up’s intensity to mental levels. However, and it pains me to say, after you get used to the epic-ness, the stunning graphics, the brutality and the blood you start to notice that all the flaws, problems and infuriating fight sequences that are affiliated with all God of War games, are still there. Most added features are quite good, but not at any point do you think “how did I ever cope without this skill?” The sheer quantity of enemies is a new problem, which may have seemed like a good idea, but Kratos hasn’t really been upgraded to deal with this and it leads to several battles that will make you want to insert your Playstation into someone at Santa Monica Studios. In addition to such new problems is the fact you don’t get to keep anything you earn or upgrade throughout the game, quite why they decided to get rid of this after the last two titles is beyond me, and the story feels a bit collaborated. Then there is all the stuff that has always been there, and has yet to be rectified, such as having too many enemies that can take a ridiculous, and I mean ridiculous, amount of punishment, the opportunities to harm them are rare and it’s a total lottery of what moves will and won’t work. Plus the stupid amount of enemies on screen at one time can hit you at every conceivable opportunity, whether you can help it or not, and there are still several battles in this that make you want to simply not bother and turn it off. It is not worth the anguish and it often becomes an infuriating, overwhelming, total button mashing chaotic nightmare. Yes, I am being harsh as it probably sounds to you like I really didn’t like it, which of course couldn’t be further from the truth, however, I feel it is harsh but fair. Saying “you will be disappointed” is not true, as it’s very similar to all previous, hugely popular, games, but being a fan means I was a bit let down, personally. If this was the first in the franchise I would have been hugely impressed, but Santa Monica Studios have had three titles to get this perfected, which, considering how spot on it was to start with, I reckon they should have done by now with this third instalment, and they just haven’t. If you’re a fan of God of War this will be essential gaming, but don’t expect it to be 20 times better, or better at all, than any previous title: It isn’t (I still think the first game is the best one). If you have never heard of Kratos, this will probably blow you away, as in many ways it’s unbelievable, but may I recommend you wait a little longer as Sony will be releasing the trilogy for the PS3 (HD versions of the PS2 games for the PS3) soon and this is a trilogy that has to be played in its entirety to be fully appreciated. CA.


Is it user-friendly/easy to get into? – 8.0

Should feel right at home for God of War fans, and all new moves will become familiar quickly. It doesn’t do much to nurture you if you have never played it though and you are straight into a fairly tough boss fight. No mercy for the weak basically.

Is the story any good? – 7.5

It does what it needs to do, sets up a quest for Kratos and a final battle with Zeus, but it’s a bit unoriginal, a bit woolly, and Kratos has become a self centred bastard rather than a tragic hero.

How does it look? – 10.0

They are the benchmark for all PS3 games from now on. Stunning and flawless in every conceivable way.

How does it sound? – 10.0

All the usual full orchestral background music and choir and it’s generally an assault your ears. All voice acting is excellent.

Is it good to play? – 8.5

It is mostly excellent free flowing multi-combo combat and most additional moves are really enjoyable. Plus it’s horrifically gory and quick time events are little more forgiving than before. But none of the new stuff adds anything that makes it better and the huge number of enemies and enemies that are way too tough make it more of a frustrating button masher than it has been before. Maybe it should have stayed on the PS2.

When will I get bored? – 7.0

It takes a decent amount of time to do initially, but it’s the shortest in the franchise, and you don’t get to keep any weapons or upgrades. There are treasures you can find and use that give certain powers during a second play through, and an additional costume that makes Kratos do quad damage, but it’s not the same. The combat arena and challenges are quite good fun but short lived as your not going to spend hours of your life doing them.


Review created by C. Armstrong.

Classic Games – Monkey Island I

Monkey Island I Title Screen
Monkey Island I Title Screen


The game begins deep in the Caribbean island of Melee, where a young chap named Guybrush Threepwood wants to be a pirate. He seeks out three Pirate Leaders in the Scumm Bar and they set him three challenges to prove himself a pirate. To prove himself, he must defeat Carla the island’s swordmaster in insult swordfighting, steal a statue from the Governor’s mansion, and find a legendary buried treasure.

Along the way he meets several interesting characters, including Stan the used boat salesman, Meathook (a combat trainer with hooks on both hands), a prisoner named Otis, the three men of low moral fiber and, most significantly, the gorgeous Governor Elaine Marley. The ghost pirate LeChuck, however, has been in love with Elaine since his living days. While Guybrush is busy, LeChuck’s ghost crew abduct her, taking her to Monkey Island. Guybrush gathers a crew (Carla, Meathook, and Otis), buys a boat, and sets out to find the mysterious island and free Elaine.

When Guybrush finally reaches Monkey Island, he explores it and discovers a band of cannibals and a strange hermit named Herman Toothrot. After he helps the cannibals recover a lost voodoo ingredient, they provide him with a seltzer bottle filled with voodoo root elixir that can destroy ghosts. However, when Guybrush goes after LeChuck, he is told that LeChuck went to Melee Island to marry Elaine.

Guybrush returns to Melee and goes to the church to prevent the wedding. When he arrives at the church wedding, he realises that Elaine had her own plan to escape. LeChuck starts beating Guybrush; until the arrival at the ship emporium, where he sprays LeChuck with root beer (substituting the magic ghost fighting elixir, which is made from a voodoo root and which Guybrush lost during the fight). With LeChuck defeated, Guybrush and Elaine enjoy a romantic moment, watching fireworks.

Monkey Island I Screenshot
Monkey Island I Screenshot


No walkthroughs/tips submitted for this game yet – be the first to submit one on the forums


Monkey Island I Screenshot
Monkey Island I Screenshot
Monkey Island I Special Edition Screenshot
Monkey Island I Special Edition Screenshot
Monkey Island I Game Cover
Monkey Island I Game Cover

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Classic games – Simon The Sorcerer I

Simon The Sorcerer I Title Screen
Simon The Sorcerer I Title Screen


What had begun as a straightforward quest to banish the Shapeshifter Witch and free the good wizard Calypso has become hideously strange. Only this morning I was eaten by an amphibian whose table manners were quite apalling.

As if that wasn’t a sufficiently inconvenient start to the day, within minutes I was leered at by a rock which refused flatly to say a word. At my wit’s end i consulted with a wise owl. In place of a clue he fed me a red herring. It was delicious but landed me in a pickle.

Rather than completing my noble quest I found myself settling an industrial dispute between a despotic Troll and a herd of militant goats.

My intuition began to tell me that there might be more to this magic forest than meets the eye. Later, I visited the fiery pit of Rondor (open weekdays and bank holidays 10-6) and considered it truly one of the finest of the thousands of sights man or Swampling could ever behold in this queer land.

Sightseeing over, I am determined that tomorrow nothing shall distract me from ending my quest and fulfilling my sacred destiny (weather permitting).


Simon The Sorcerer I Cover
Simon The Sorcerer I Cover


Simon The Sorcerer I Screenshot

Simon The Sorcerer I Screenshot

Simon The Sorcerer I Screenshot

Simon The Sorcerer I Screenshot

Simon The Sorcerer I Screenshot

Simon The Sorcerer I Screenshot

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Classic Games – Treasure Island Dizzy

Classic Games - Treasure Island Dizzy Title Page/Loading Page
Classic Games – Treasure Island Dizzy Title Page/Loading Page


Dizzy was looking forward to the round-the-world cruise he’d booked for. When he told the other Yolkfolk about the good deal he found, they wondered just what lay ahead of him…

Dizzy enjoyed the cruise at first although there were far too many pirates on the ship, the Grog was watered down, and he didn’t even know what a mainbrace was, let alone how to splice it!

The captain, Long John Silver, was a lovely old bloke with a kindly manner, good at insulting and degrading the fare paying punters.
He was well balanced – he had parrot on one shoulder and a chip on the other – and he had a wooden leg which he acquired when he fell out of his pram when he was a kid.

Anyhow, their quaint little man o’ war found itself in still waters one sun-soaked afternoon, and Dizzy thought he would organise a game of cricket on the aft deck. In a fit of blinding stupidity he used LJ’s spare leg collection as makeshift stumps, and when they were lost overboard he was made to walk the plank!

That was how he came to find himself gently poaching on the silent, sun-kissed beach of a seemingly deserted island…

He had to somehow find a way back to the Yolkfolk and lodge his compensation claim with the travel agent…













































Now, just pay the taxman 30 Gold coins and you’ve done it!
Classic Games - Treasure Island Dizzy - Cassette Tape Cover
Classic Games – Treasure Island Dizzy – Cassette Tape Cover

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Classic Games – The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy

Classic Games - The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Title Screen 1
Classic Games – The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Title Screen 1
Classic Games - The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Title Screen 2
Classic Games – The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Title Screen 2
Classic Games - The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Title Screen 3
Classic Games – The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Title Screen 3


The evil wizard Zaks casts a spell on the Yolkfolk and kidnaps Dizzy’s girlfriend Daisy. It’s up to Dizzy to undo Zaks’ doings and rescue Daisy from the castle in the clouds.


In Dizzy’s hut the door is locked and you will need to open it using the Key which is directly above you when you start the game. Jump onto the dresser and then up on to the rafters. Stand in front of the key and pick it up using the B or 1 button. Now stand in front of the door and put the Key down using the B or 1 button again. Dizzy will open the door. Once doors are open you can make Dizzy go through them by pressing the B or 1 button whilst standing in front of it.

If you walk left from Dizzy’s hut you will find a Plank of Wood. The Plank can be placed over the spit of spikes at the base of the tree-house village, just stand on the edge and put it down. To the left of the Ground level Elevator there is an Elevator Key which should be used to operate the Elevator back up to the tree-house.

Back in the tree-house to the right of Dizzy’s hut is a Snappy Weed which will not allow you to pass. This can be killed by using a Bottle of Weedkiller which can be found just past the pit of spikes.
To the left of the tree-house village there is an Armourog which will attack you unless you give it the Cooked Chicken or Ham found near the Prince. Just stand at the base of the cliff near the Armourog’s den and throw the Chicken by pressing B or 1.

Having killed the deadly grabbing plant you will be able to explore far into the tree-house village. Just past the plant you will find the rope which you will need in the tree-house, the Pirate Ship and Zak’s Cloud Castle. Remember, you can only use it where there is a hook.
To the left of the Armourog there is a Bag of Gold which can be used to bribe the guard in the tunnel of Keldor Village.

As you enter the Village next to Crystal Falls there is an Umbrella which will protect Dizzy from acid drips in the tunnels or mines whenever he is holding it.

On Dock Street in the village, there is a Pirate Ship to explore but you must first get past Blackheart the Pirate. You can find a Barrel of Rum by walking far right of the bridge in Bridge Street. There are several objects on the ships which are used later in the game and will be discussed later but remember to take the Rope onto the ship with you as you will need it to swing around the ship’s masts.

Problems encountered in the Yolkfolk’s secret tree-house village and how to solve them

When exploring the tree-house village you will need all the door and elevator keys. These can be found in the following places:
Daisy’s door Key is just to the left of her hut.
Dozy’s door Key is in Daisy’s hut.

Dora’s door Key can be found on the left side of the tree-house complex, about halfway up.

Dylan’s door Key is to the left of his hut, but you’ll need the rope.
Denzil’s door Key is at the base of the tree-house village on a path below Daisy’s hut.

Grand Dizzy’s door Key is in the meeting hall above Dizzy’s hut.
Dylan, Denzil and Grand Dizzy all have elevators near their huts which must be turned on before they can be operated.

Dylan’s elevator Key is very close to his elevator.
Denzil’s elevator Key is just left of Dizzy’s hut.
Grand Dizzy’s elevator Key is just inside the mine entrance.
Remember to examine what keys you have.

Nearing the top of the tree-house there is a ledge which is slightly too high to jump onto, it’s the one with the hook at the end of it. Just below this ledge you will find a 1 Ton Weight which can be attached to the hook to pull down the ledge, making it possible to continue up the trees.

Rescuing the Yolkfolk.

Within the tree-house village each of the Yolkfolk has their own problem which you must solve in order to progress further into the game
Dora is at home, but she has been turned into a frog by the Evil Wizard Zak. The spell can only be broken by a kiss from a Prince who is on the Forest Floor. In return for bringing Dora the Frog to him, the Prince will give you a Crossbow which you will need later when you make your assault on Keldor Castle.

Dylan can’t catch Pogie the Fluffle, who can be found wandering around the village tree-house. He’s hard to hold, so the only way you can catch him is by placing the Cage over him, this can be found in Daisy’s hut. When you give Pogie to Dylan he gives you a Pygmy Cow which he no longer wants to look after now that he has Pogie back.

Denzil was hit by a Freeze Spell while he was out swimming, he has now been brought back to his hut but needs to be thawed out. This can be done by putting the Pile of Straw, which is found near Denzil’s hut, underneath him and lighting it with the Match found to the left of the Leprechaun. When Denzil thaws out he decides that he won’t be doing much swimming any more and so gives you his Flippers.

Dozy has fallen into a deep sleep and can only be woken by clashing Cymbals near him. The Cymbals can be found in an underwater cave below the bridge near the mine entrance. To gain access to this cave you will need to cut through the bridge with the axe which can be found at the bottom of the mine, but don’t forget the Aqualung. When Dozy wakes up he gives you his Thick Rug which is used in Zak’s Cloud Castle.

Grand Dizzy is ill in bed and needs you to make some medicine for him. The recipe is in his room and you can examine it. You’ll need a Star Plant which can be found just below Grand Dizzy’s hut, the Mushroom which is next to the mine entrance and an Empty Bottle which is also very close to Grand Dizzy’s hut. Throw these three ingredients into the cauldron on Grand Dizzy’s room and then give him the Full Medicine Bottle which comes out of the cauldron. In return for curing him Grand Dizzy will give you a Golden Dragon Egg.

Last of all, Daisy must be rescued from the tall tower in Zak’s Cloud Castle at the very end of the game. You will need to have collected all 250 stars from around the game in order to enter Daisy’s prison Tower.
The following information will help you with the problems encountered under the sea.

On the Pirate Ship, you can swing around the rigging using the Rope and should, with a bit of skill, be able to find a Winch Wheel there. This can be used to open the portcullis of Keldor Castle.
If you walk near the plank on the Pirate Ship, Blackheart the Pirate will jump on you from the rigging above and make you walk the plank. This is not quite as bad as it seems because you can use the bubbles to get back to the surface and collect some valuable starts on the way. When you reach the island at the top of the bubble game you will find an Aqualung which will allow you to breath underwater for as long as you like and so explore the sea bed.

In the sea you will find an old shipwreck which has an empty treasure chest on it. To the left of the shipwreck is a rock with a bubble below it. Using the Pickaxe which is on the first beach you can remove the rock and gain access to the cave below. But don’t attempt to explore this until you have the Flippers. In the cave there is a Coin and some stars. Use the bubble released from below the rock to raise you to the high ledge and onto the new beach.

At the far right of this beach is a cliff which is too high to jump up. To climb this first put down the treasure chest you found on the shipwreck next to the cliff and then jump onto it. You are now high enough to jump up the cliff.

As you walk right from the cliff you will find the broken bridge over the Rock Poll, with a dead-wood log sunk in it. If you drop the Bag of Salt, found on the beach, into the water the buoyancy will be increased and the log will float. Walk onto this and jump off the far end, be careful not to roll into the Poisoned water.

Between the Rock Pool and the Graveyard you’ll find Shamus the Leprechaun barring your way. He has lost his Golden Shamrock along with his temper! The Golden Shamrock can be found at the back of the Dragons Lair deep in the deserted mines.

To reach the dragon and get the Golden Shamrock you will have to go down into the mine. The mine is closed off normally because the elevators don’t work. You can fix the elevator machine by using the Machine Wrench which is found to the right of the bridge near the mine entrance. Work your way deeper into the mine, across the flaming lava pit, until you come across a sign which says “DANGER – Blasting Area”. Put the Sticks of Dynamite, which can be found in the hull of the Pirate Ship, by the pile of rocks and the end of the fuse and then walk back and push the plunger of the detonator. You can now gain access to the Dragons Lair.

Things aren’t as easy however as the dragon is a ferocious guardian of its egg at the back of its lair. However if you are carrying the other Golden Dragon Egg which Grand Dizzy gave you the dragon will let you past to put it back. Once you are in the lair put down the egg and take the Golden Shamrock.

By this stage you will have completed a large part of the game but you will have to contend with Keldor Village and Zak’s Cloud Castle.
To eventually gain access to Zak’s Cloud Castle you will need Zak’s Winch Handle. This is in the centre of the Pirate Ship. It is locked into a small room and you’ll need the Crowbar found in Bridge Street to lever the door open.

You can enter Keldor Castle by using the Winch Wheel, not Zak’s Winch Handle (that is found in the rigging of the Pirate Ship). Make sure you enter the castle carrying the Crossbow which the Prince gave you. Once you have dealt with the guards and entered the castle you should be able to find a Rope Bridge Kit. This is used in the Graveyard to build a bridge across the gap leading towards the Skull Key which is needed in Zak’s Cloud Castle.

In Keldor Village you will have probably noticed a Grave Diggers Spade to the far left of Bridge Street which is too high to get. This can be reached by completing the mine cart game which starts in the mine. This is a difficult part of the game but you should soon learn a route through and collect all the stars.

In the centre of the Graveyard you will see a hollow area below the soil. If you use the Grave Diggers Spade here you will gain access to a Secret Cave which has an Empty Bucket in it as well as some valuable stars. When you have the Bucket make sure you go underwater, this will fill it. Remember to examine it to check. To get out of the cave use the trampet found there to propel yourself to the surface. Place it below the opening to the surface and bounce on it.

To get to Zak’s Cloud Castle you will need the Pygmy Cow given to you by Dylan. Give this to the Shopkeeper in Castle Street and he will give you a Magic Bean in return. You can plant this in the soil where Shamus the Leprechaun was standing (there’s a sign with a picture of a bean on it).

Magically a beanstalk will sprout up into the clouds. Jump onto the leaves and then up into the clouds. You must find a route through the clouds up to Cloud Castle but be careful not to sink through them. Stop every so often and jump straight up as this will put you back to the top of the cloud.

When you reach the entrance to Cloud Castle you will need Zak’s Winch Handle which can be found on the Pirate Ship. Once you have used Zak’s Winch Handle and gained access to the Cloud Castle you will find an elevator. Use the Skull Key you found earlier to turn it on. At the top of the elevator there is a Bed of Knives designed to stop intruders. You can get past this obstacle by placing the Thick Rug (given to you by Dozy) over it. Also in Cloud Castle you will find a raging fire which you should put out using the Bucket of Water.

Now continue further into the castle, using the Rope to swing to inaccessible areas, collecting all the stars and find Daisy’s prison tower. When you get to the tower door a magical beam blocks your path. This can be disintegrated by collecting 250 stars. Once inside you must climb the tower, defeat Zak and rescue your true love Daisy! Sounds easy doesn’t it!

Completing The Sub-games

Probably the first one you’ll encounter is Wizard Theo’s Sliding block puzzle. If you can rearrange the blocks to the mystic spell before the egg timer runs out then you will get an extra life.

To move a block hold down one of the buttons at the same tame as pressing the direction you want it to move. The secret is to get the corners and sides first followed by the stork. The rest will then fit together easily. Also try to memorise what the picture looks like when you first see it so that you can visualise it when you try to reconstruct it. It may seem difficult at first but after a few attempts you should get the hang of it. If you walk to the far right of the Pirate Ship, Blackheart will catch you and make you walk the plank. Then you’ll have to play The Bubble game. But it will have it’s reward!
Always walk off a bubble before it bursts or you will fall through other bubbles for a short time. If you are falling and can see no bubble underneath you can then head for the edge. You can make Dizzy swim and hence slow down his fall by repeatedly pressing the jump button. Try to catch fast bubbles as they will take you further. Also remember, the bigger the bubble the longer it lasts! In the deserted Diamond mines of the Yolkfolk to the right of the tree-house village you can find an old mining cart. Jump in and prepare yourself for an exhilarating ride!

The mine has four exits:
1. Brings you back into the mine and is a safer way to get deeper into the mine.
2. Brings you out onto the beach across the bay. If you re-enter this exit you’ll find yourself back in the mine.
3. Brings you out near the Leprechaun and enables you to get an extra life.
4. This exit must be used to get the Grave Diggers Spade.

This is a game of memory and you must learn a safe route. Try to memorise where the trolls in carts come from as they will repeat the pattern every time you play the game. In the centre of Keldor Village you will have noticed a portcullis. Behind this lies the Castle of Keldor. This is guarded by rock throwing Trolls. The only way to defeat them, and gain entry into the castle, is by shooting them with your Crossbow.

Always enter holding the Crossbow and with room to pick up at least one object. Keep the Crossbow pointing near the centre of the castle as most of the guards appear there and not much movement of the crossbow is required to shoot them. Duck (using the B or 1 button) when the guards throw rocks at you. Shoot the guards by pressing the A or 2 button. Each time you get a hit means you’ll have to shoot another guard to counteract the effect. When you have shot 4 more guards than have made hits on you they will surrender and allow you to enter the castle.

When you have solved every problem and collected all 250 stars you will be able to gain entry into Zak’s Tower where he is holding Daisy. To defeat him you will need to turn his evil power against him, but first you’ll have to climb the tower!

As you attempt to climb you’ll have to avoid Zak’s evil Tumbling Balls! These come bouncing down, and if they hit you, you’ll lose energy. Watch the ball carefully and try to avoid it.
All the sub-games appear more difficult than they really are. You will master all of them with time (and practice!).

Classic Games - The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Game Tape Cassette Cover
Classic Games – The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy Game Tape Cassette Cover

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Classic Games – Magicland Dizzy

Classic Games - Magicland Dizzy Loading Title Screen
Classic Games – Magicland Dizzy Loading Title Screen


Dizzy’s enemy Zaks, the evil wizard, has returned from the dead and spirited Dizzy’s friends off to Magicland and put each under a spell; Dylan, the hippie, has become a talking bush, Denzil, who thinks he’s so cool, has been frozen in ice, Grand Dizzy, who’s gone a bit senile, is trapped in a backwards mirror world, Dora has been turned into a frog, Dozy’s in an even deeper sleep than usual, and Daisy’s grown too big to escape Zaks’ dungeon.






















































































TALK TO THE DEVIL – And thats it! Now find the 30 diamonds and you have completed the game!

Classic Games - Magicland Dizzy Game Cover Cassette Tape
Classic Games – Magicland Dizzy Game Cover Cassette Tape

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