Radiohead Discography

This is a list of all of the Radiohead albums and singles up to a point, pictures are from my own personal collection.

Albums

Pablo Honey (1993)

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Radiohead Album – Pablo Honey

The Bends (1995)

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Radiohead Album – The Bends

OK Computer (1997)

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Radiohead Album – Ok Computer

Kid A (2000)

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Radiohead Album – Kid A

Amnesiac (2001)

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Radiohead Album – Amnesiac

Hail to the Thief (2003)

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Radiohead Album – Hail to the Thief

Singles

Creep

UK Release
01. Creep
02. Lurgee
03. Inside My Head
04. Million Dollar Question

Dutch/UK Release
Cat: CD – CDR 6359. Cassette – TCR 6359
01. Creep
02. Yes I Am
03. Blow Out (remix)
04. Inside My Head (live)

musicradiohead_creep_cassette
Radiohead Dutch/UK Cassette Single – Creep

Japanese
01. Creep
02. Yes I Am
03. Blow Out (remix)
04. Inside My Head (live)

Netherlands/German
Cat: PM 515

musicradiohead_creep_cd
Radiohead Netherlands/German CD Single – Creep

01. Creep
02. Yes I Am
03. Inside My Head (live)
04. Creep (acoustic)

French
01. Creep
02. The Bends (live)
03. Prove Yourself (live)
04. Creep (live)

French
01. Creep
02. The Bends

Dutch
01. Creep
02. Killer Cars

7″ Jukebox Green Vinyl
01. Creep
02. Anyone Can Play Guitar

Anyone Can Play Guitar

UK – February 21, 1993
Cat: CD – CDR 6333. Cassette – TCR 6333
01. Anyone Can Play Guitar
02. Faithless, The Wonderboy
03. Coke Babies

musicradiohead_anyone_can_play_guitar_cassette
Radiohead UK Cassette Single – Anyone Can Play Guitar

US Promo – 1993
01. Anyone Can Play Guitar

Dutch – 1993
01. Anyone Can Play Guitar
02. Faithless, The Wonderboy

Australian Tour Souvenir – 1994
01. Anyone Can Play Guitar
02. Creep
03. Pop Is Dead
04. Thinking About You (Drill version)
05. Killer Cars (acoustic, live)

Pop is Dead

UK Release – May 10, 1993
Cat: CDR 6345
01. Pop is Dead
02. Banana Co (live)
03. Creep (live)
04. Ripcord (live)

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Radiohead UK CD Single – Pop is Dead

Stop Whispering

Stop Whispering – 1993
Cat: C2 7243 8 58019 2 1
01. Stop Whispering (US version)
02. Creep (acoustic)
03. Pop Is Dead
04. Inside My Head (live)

musicradiohead_stop_whispering_cd
Radiohead US CD Single – Stop Whispering

Radiohead US CD Single – Stop Whispering

UK Promo – 1993
01. Stop Whispering (US version)
02. Prove Yourself
03. Lurgee

UK 12″ Promo – 1993
01. Ripcord
02. Prove Yourself
03. Faithless, The Wonder Boy
04. Stop Whispering

Australian – 1993
01. Stop Whispering (US version)
02. Creep (acoustic)
03. Pop Is Dead
04. Inside My Head (live)

US Promo – 1993
01. Stop Whispering (US version)
02. Stop Whispering (LP version)

The Bends

Netherlands Pinkpop Edition – 1996
01. Fake Plastic Trees (live)
02. Blow Out (live)
03. Bones (live)
04. You (live)
05. High And Dry (live)

Irish – 1996
01. The Bends
02. My Iron Lung (live at the Forum)
03. Bones (live at the Forum)
*Only 2000 of these were made after mispressing.

My Iron Lung

Australian EP
01. My Iron Lung
02. The Trickster
03. Lewis [mistreated]
04. Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong
05. Permanent Daylight
06. Lozenge Of Love
07. You Never Wash Up After Yourself
08. Creep (acoustic)

UK CD1
CAT: CDRS 6394
01. My Iron Lung
02. The Trickster
03. Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong
04. Lozenge Of Love

musicradiohead_my_iron_lung_cd1
Radiohead UK CD Single – My Iron lung CD1

UK CD2
CAT: CDR 6394
01. My Iron Lung
02. Lewis [mistreated]
03. Permanent Daylight
04. You Never Wash Up After Yourself

musicradiohead_my_iron_lung_cd2
Radiohead UK CD Single – My Iron lung CD2

Dutch
01. My Iron Lung
02. The Trickster
03. Lewis [mistreated]
04. Permanent Daylight
05. You Never Wash Up After Yourself

Dutch 2 Track
01. My Iron Lung
02. Permanent Daylight

French Promo
01. My Iron Lung

Street Spirit (fade out)

CD1
CAT: CDRS 6419
01. Street Spirit [fade out]
02. Talk Show Host
03. Bishop’s Robes

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Radiohead CD Single – Street Spirit CD1

CD2
CAT: CDR 6419
01. Street Spirit [fade out]
02. Banana Co.
03. Molasses

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Radiohead CD Single – Street Spirit CD2

Dutch 2 Track
01. Street Spirit [fade out]
02. Bishop’s Robes

Dutch/Australian
01. Street Spirit [fade out]
02. Bishop’s Robes
03. Talk Show Host
04. Molasses

Dutch 2 Meter
01. Street Spirit [fade out]
02. Anyone Can Play Guitar (live)
03. Bones (live)
04. Street Spirit [fade out] (live)

UK 7″ Promo
01. Street Spirit [fade out]
02. Bishop’s Robes

Just

CD1
CAT: CDRS 6415
01. Just
02. Planet Telex (Karma Sunra mix)
03. Killer Cars (Mogadon version)

musicradiohead_just_cd1
Radiohead CD Single – Just CD1

CD2
CAT: CDR 6415
01. Just
02. Bones (live)
03. Planet Telex (live)
04. Anyone Can Play Guitar (live)

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Radiohead CD Single – Just CD2
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Radiohead CD Single – Just – Limited Edition Pack

French Promo
01. Just

UK Promo
01. Just
02. Just (edit)

Just for College
01. Just
02. India Rubber
03. Maquiladora
04. How Can You Be Sure?
05. Just (live)

Dutch
01. Just
02. Bones (live)
03. Planet Telex (Karma Sunra mix)
04. Killer Cars (Modagon version)

Australian
01. Just
02. Bones (live)

Fake Plastic Trees

CD1
CAT: CDRS 6411
01. Fake Plastic Trees
02. India Rubber
03. How Can You Be Sure?

musicradiohead_fake_plastic_trees_cd1
Radiohead CD Single – Fake Plastic Trees CD1

CD2
CAT: CDR 6411
01. Fake Plastic Trees
02. Fake Plastic Trees (acoustic)
03. Bullet Proof ..I Wish I Was (acoustic)
04. Street Spirit (Fade Out) (acoustic)

musicradiohead_fake_plastic_trees_cd2
Radiohead CD Single – Fake Plastic Trees CD2

US
01. Fake Plastic Trees
02. Planet Telex (Hexidecimal mix)
03. Killer Cars
04. Fake Plastic Trees (acoustic)

Dutch
01. Fake Plastic Trees
02. India Rubber
03. How Can You Be Sure?
04. Fake Plastic Trees (acoustic)

US Promo
01. Fake Plastic Trees
02. Fake Plastic Trees (edit)

7″ Jukebox
01. Fake Plastic Trees
02. The Bends

High and Dry

CD1
CAT: CDRS 6405
01. High And Dry
02. Planet Telex
03. Maquilarora
04. Planet Telex (Hexidecimal mix)

musicradiohead_high_dry_cd1
Radiohead CD Single – High and Dry CD1

CD2
CAT: CDR 6405
01. Planet Telex
02. High And Dry
03. Killer Cars
04. Planet Telex (l.f.o. jd mix)

musicradiohead_high_dry_cd2
Radiohead CD Single – High and Dry CD2

US
01. High And Dry
02. India Rubber
03. Maquiladora
04. How Can You Be Sure?
05. Just (live)

Dutch
01. High And Dry
02. Planet Telex
03. Maquiladora
04. Killer Cars

Promo
01. High and Dry

Dutch Live Package
01. High And Dry
02. Creep (live)
03. My Iron Lung (live)
04. Stop Whispering (live)
05. Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong (live)

Dutch 2 Track
01. High and Dry
02. Planet Telex

7″ Jukebox
01. High and Dry
02. Black Star

12″
01. Planet Telex (Hexidecimal mix)
02. Planet Telex (l.f.o. jd mix)
03. Planet Telex (Hexidecimal dub)
04. High And Dry

12″
01. Planet Telex
02. Planet Telex (Osborn mix)
03. Planet Telex (Mo-wax mix)
04. High And Dry

Paranoid Android

CD1
CAT: CD0DATAS 01
01. Paranoid Android
02. Polyethylene [parts 1 and 2]
03. Pearly*

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Radiohead CD Single – Paranoid Android CD1

CD2
CAT: CDNODATA 01
01. Paranoid Android
02. A Reminder
03. Melatonin

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Radiohead CD Single – Paranoid Android CD2

Dutch
01. Paranoid Android
02. Polyethylene [parts 1 and 2]
03. Pearly*

Australian
01. Paranoid Android
02. Polyethylene [parts 1 and 2]
03. Pearly*

Japan
01. Paranoid Android
02. Polyethylene [parts 1 and 2]
03. Pearly*
04. Let Down

7″
01. Paranoid Android
02. Polyethylene [parts 1 and 2]

Promo
CAT: nodatadj 01
01. Paranoid Android

musicradiohead_paranoid_android_promo
Radiohead CD Single – Paranoid Android Promo

Karma Police

CD1
CAT: CD0DATAS 03
01. Karma Police
02. Meeting in the Aisle
03. Lull

musicradiohead_karma_police_cd1
Radiohead CD Single – Karma Police CD1

CD2
CAT: CDNODATA 03
01. Karma Police
02. Climbing Up The Walls (Zero 7 mix)
03. Climbing Up The Walls (Fila Brazillia mix)

musicradiohead_karma_police_cd2
Radiohead CD Single – Karma Police CD2

Australian
CAT: 8841622 / PM 515
01. Karma Police
02. A Reminder
03. Melatonin

musicradiohead_karma_police_ep
Radiohead CD Single – Karma Police – Australian

Japan
01. Karma Police
02. A Reminder
03. Melatonin
04. Let Down

College Karma EP
01. Karma Police
02. Polyethylene [parts 1 and 2]
03. Pearly*
04. A Reminder
05. Melatonin
06. Paranoid Android

French
01. Karma Police
02. Let Down

UK Promo
01. Karma Police

Dutch Promo
01. Karma Police

US Promo
01. Karma Police

12″
01. Karma Police
02. Meeting in the Aisle
03. Climbing Up The Walls (zero 7 mix)

No Surprises

CD1
CAT: CDODATAS 04 / PM 110
01. No Surprises
02. Palo Alto
03. How I Made My Millions

musicradiohead_no_supprises_cd1
Radiohead CD Single – No Surprises CD1

CD2
CAT: CDNODATA 04 / PM 110
01. No Surprises
02. Airbag (live from Berlin)
03. Lucky (live from Florence)

musicradiohead_no_supprises_cd2
Radiohead CD Single – No Surprises CD2

Dutch
01. No Surprises
02. Meeting In The Aisle
03. Lull

Australian
01. No Surprises
02. Palo Alto
03. How I Made My Millions
04. Airbag (live in Berlin)

UK Promo
01. No Surprises

US Promo
01. No Surprises

12″
01. No Surprises
02. Palo Alto

Climbing Up The Walls

12″ Promo – only 200 made

01. Climbing Up The Walls

02. Climbing Up The Walls (Fila Brazillia mix)

03. Climbing Up The Walls (Zero 7 mix)

Pyramid Song

CD1

CAT: CDSFHEIT 45102

01. Pyramid Song

02. The Amazing Sounds of Orgy

03. Trans-atlantic Drawl

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Radiohead CD Single – Pyramid Song CD1

CD2

CAT: CDFHEIT 45102

01. Pyramid Song

02. Fast-track

03. Kinetic

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Radiohead CD Single – Pyramid Song CD2

MAXI

01. Pyramid Song

02. Fast-track

04. Trans-atlantic Drawl

05. Kinetic

12″

01. Pyramid Song

02. Fast-track

03. The Amazing Sounds of Orgy

Promo

01. Pyramid Song

US Promo

01. Pyramid Song

I Might Be Wrong

Promo

CAT: CDFHEIT 45104

01. I Might Be Wrong

02. I Might be Wrong (edit)

musicradiohead_i_might_be_wrong_live_recordings
Radiohead CD Single – I Might Be Wrong

Knives Out

CD1 – Released 2001

CAT: CDFHEIS 45103

01. Knives Out

02. Worrywort

03. Fog

04. Life in a Glass House (full version)

musicradiohead_knives_out_cd1
Radiohead CD Single – Knives Out CD1

UK CD2 – Released 2001

CAT: CDFHEIT 45103

01. Knives Out

02. Cuttooth

03. Life in a Glass House (full version)

04. Knives Out (video)

musicradiohead_knives_out_cd2
Radiohead CD Single – Knives Out CD2

USA Promo – Released 2001

01. Knives Out

12″ Vinyl

01. Knives Out

02. Cuttooth

03. Life in a Glass House (full version)

There There

Japan Single – Released 05-19-2003

01. There There

02. Paperbag Writer

03. Where Bluebirds Fly

UK Single – Released 05-26-2003

CAT: CDR 6606

01. There There

02. Paperbag Writer

03. Where Bluebirds Fly

musicradiohead_there_there
Radiohead CD Single – There There – UK

UK 12″ Vinyl – Released 2001

01. There There

02. Paperbag Writer

03. Where Bluebirds Fly

Go to Sleep

UK CD1 – Released 08-18-2003

CAT: CDRS 6613

01. Go to Sleep

02. I Am Citizen Insane

03. Fog (Again)

musicradiohead_go_to_sleep_cd1
Radiohead CD Single – Go to Sleep – UK CD1

UK CD2 – Released 08-18-2003

CAT: CDR 6613

01. Go to Sleep

02. Gagging Order

03. I am a Wicked Child

musicradiohead_go_to_sleep_cd2
Radiohead CD Single – Go to Sleep – UK CD2

UK 12″ Vinyl – Released 08-18-2003

01. Go to Sleep

02. I am Citizen Insane

03. I am a Wicked Child

USA – Released 09-02-2003

01. Go to Sleep

02. Gagging Order

03. I am a Wicked Child

Canada – Released 09-02-2003

01. Go to Sleep

02. I Am Citizen Insane

03. Fog (Again)

Promo – Released 08-18-2003

01. Go to Sleep

USA 7″ Promo – Released 08-18-2003

01. Go to Sleep

02. I am Citizen Insane

2+2=5

UK CD1 – Released 10-10-2003

01. 2+2=5

02. Myxomatosis (Christian Vogel Remix)

03. There There (demo)

UK CD2 – Released 11-17-2003

01. 2+2=5

02. Scatterbrain (Four Tet Remix)

03. I Will (LA mix)

DVD Single – Released 11-17-2003

01. 2+2=5

02. Sit Down, Stand Up

03. Excerpts from The Most Gigantic Lying Mouth of All Time

UK CD Promo

01. 2+2=5

Batman: Arkham Asylum Review 11/05/2010

Ignore the “comic book nerd” vibe, this is one seriously awesome game.

Superhero games, especially ones based on their comic book sources, have often not been great. It’s all very well making a game that will please a select group of virgin teenagers but nothing will ever come of it and normal gamers won’t give a crap. Batman: Arkham Asylum takes directly from the comic book version of Batman, so it has nothing to do with the awesome Christian Bale films, and, thank Christ, it has nothing to do with the Val Kilmer and George Clooney era of films either. Paul Dini, who writes many of the original Batman comics actually penned the script for this game so its influence is purely comic book based and has returned Batman to its original source. Wiping the slate clean and starting again is often a good way to go, so does this Dark Knight game give the Batman experience that fans will be expecting? In Batman: Arkham Asylum you of course play Batman, in a third person perspective and the game opens with Batman, having just captured the Joker, speeding towards Arkham Asylum to incarcerate the laughing lunatic once more. It turns out the Joker attacked Gotham’s Mayor’s office but was foiled by Batman, albeit suspiciously easily. Added to this fact is that many inmates of Gotham’s Blackgate Prison have been moved to Arkham temporarily due to a fire, many inmates of which are part of Joker’s crew. It all of course seems all to convenient and Batman knows this, fearing the Joker is up to something. However, Arkham is the largest most inescapable, heavily armed, super secure asylum for the nuts ever, how could he escape? Even though Batman escorts him almost all the way to his cell, the minute he is left alone in the hands of the guards, the Joker escapes with the help of Harley Quin and, having bribed one of the most senior guards previously, ends up taking over the Asylum, releasing all the inmates and killing anyone wearing a uniform. The Asylum can’t be reinforced as Joker promises to detonate a load of secret bombs hidden round Gotham if anyone is seen entering or leaving the island. It turns out the Joker is after a secret chemical called Titan that was being researched by medical staff in Arkham, for use as a biological weapon. Titan has the same effect on people as the chemical used on Bane, only much more potent and longer lasting, and Joker intends to create his own Titan army from the inmates of Arkham, and dump the waste products into the Gotham river reeking unknown havoc on the city’s inhabitants. Batman, single handed, must stop the clown at all costs, fighting through the many members of his crew, helping surviving guards and doctors, finding the Titan chemical and finding a cure. He must also be weary that all the most dangerous psychos in Arkham, Bane, Poison Ivy, Harley Quin, Zsasz, Scarecrow, Killer Croc to name a few, are all here and are free, or could be freed at any point, and Batman is the first name on their hit list. He is basically in for one hell of a night.

What’s good?

Arkham Asylum is one of those games that doesn’t necessarily excel in one particular area, but manages to be an excellent all rounder in just about every aspect of it. Most predominantly and most obviously though, this game is an almost perfect mix of action/combat and stealth:

Firstly the combat. I am taken aback by just how good the combat system is in Arkham Asylum. It is unbelievably good. Like all the greatest combat systems it is simple, easy to get to grips with the basics, looks fantastic, flows super smoothly, but will require some serious skill to master. You simply attack by hitting the square button, and counter by using the triangle button. That will get you through the game on “easy” and “normal”. The skill comes from the timing of these buttons and using directional input to pick out targets. You have to anticipate when to strike, how many times to strike, and pre-determine attacks to tie in your counter. Although I am in no way a “fighter”, I imagine this is not too far off what professional fighting (Boxing, UFC etc) is like. This enables you to string combos together which is the key to victory, as if you string enough together you can perform savage unblockable finishing moves and throws. This generally involves snapping bones and lobbing thugs into other thugs knocking them out. You can also throw “Batarangs” to slow enemies down mid-fight, and on several occasions you will have to battle a Titan, a giant oversized thug who you can jump on the back of, after dealing some punishment to its mountainous frame, and use to batter the normal peons all over the place. The smoothness and fluidity is outstanding when fighting 20 muscle bound thugs at the same time, and manages to be hugely satisfying, seriously good fun to play and totally glitch free. It constantly moves between slow motion and normal speed throughout the fight as well which is a really nice touch, and it gives you a movie style view when the final crunching blow is made. It is seriously one of the best combat systems I have played so far on my PS3.

Now the stealth. Only about half the game is spent exchanging fists with Joker’s henchmen as the rest of the time you will be taking out guys silently. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not on a par with the “Metal Gear” games, as it is far simpler, but as with the combat it still works very well. Stealth attacks will nearly always have to be performed against guys with guns, and, unless it’s on easy, guns will kill Batman very quickly, so the key is to not be spotted. Batman, fortunately is highly skilled in such things. You can take enemies out from behind silently by crouching, sneaking up behind them and choke holding them for a minute. You can also use air vents to sneak around terrain and suss out who to take out next, and most importantly, you can use gargoyles. These are what they are, but Batman uses them to swing between and get around silently and unseen. You can hang down from them and when a thug walks under you, swing down, grab them and leave them strung up and helpless. Rather annoyingly this attracts a lot of attention but you need only to swing to a few other gargoyles and the henchmen will lose track of you. There’s also a myriad of other things you can do, such as swing between most things unseen, hang from ledges, glide using your cape and of course knocking people down with Batarangs. Batman is a very capable chap and it is hugely enjoyable stalking armed thugs from the rafters and watching them gradually getting more scared as you swoop in for the takedown.

There’s lots of kit to find and upgrading to do. The game starts off fairly simply, with Batman having just a Batarang and his fists. But of course the further you progress the more experience points you will gather, by beating up people and finding things, which unlocks upgrades. This will enable Batman to perform finishing moves, throws, give him harder armour, the ability to throw three Batarangs at once and all the usual stuff. Upgrades to the combos are essential as you have to string hits together to perform the mightier moves, and there are upgrades to allow you to perform them quicker. You can also upgrade Batman’s tools and kit, which is where Bruce Wayne shows himself to be a veritable human Swiss army knife. You will find various bat based tools throughout the game, such as Batclaws, a sort of grappling hook used for pulling off vents and things, explosive gel, used for blasting through weak walls, a scanner, used for short circuiting fences and gates, and a very handy alternative grappling device, used for traversing large gaps in the landscape. Most of this stuff will be used to overcome an obstacle that previously could not be solved and it just adds to good pacing and never lets things go stale. Firing a Batclaw at a thug on a lookout tower and pulling him off is rather good fun to say the least and all tools are way more versatile than you might at first think, plus they can all be upgraded to make them even handier. Finally, I must mention the excellent detective mode. By hitting L2, Batman can use this perspective which basically darkens everything and highlights only things that can be moved, broken, swung on to, and generally are of use to you. There are also several points where you will have to follow a trail, finger prints etc, to find out where to go next or for viewing a room full of armed thugs from the ceiling and it is essential then. It is, again, a simple but generally very well thought out tool that should be used frequently.

There is a hell of a lot of things to keep you playing. Although the story is pretty linear, despite the fact you get free roam of Arkham island, there is so much stuff to find and seek out. Mainly, you have the Riddlers puzzles and trophies to find. There is 250 of them scattered all over the island and will either need to be found or scanned, using detective mode, to uncover them. Despite how big Arkham island is that is a hell of a lot to uncover, and nearly all are hidden away and require some serious investigation to uncover. Then there is the Arkham Asylum Warden’s transcripts again scattered in a load of secret places, which reveal how and why the Asylum was founded, and then you have all the interview tapes which give interesting conversations between the most infamous inmates and their therapists at Arkham. If you are a fan of the comics you will be playing this for weeks and loving all of the unlockable content. If your not a fan, but just want to experience fighting and taking down people stealthily, the best part of the game, no problem. There are many challenges to unlock that will involve having to take down wave after wave of thugs, or stealth kill a room full or armed henchmen, getting more unlockable challenges the faster you do them and the less damage you take. If you just want to quickly beat the crap out of some thugs or see how high a combo string you can get then these are excellent. If you like the comics or have to complete every game to 100%, you will be trawling through Arkham Asylum for weeks.

The encounters with Scarecrow are fantastic. For those not in the know, Scarecrow is one of Batman’s nemesis’, who is a deranged doctor who wears a scary mask and pumps his victims with “fear gas” which makes them hallucinate violently and eventually go mad as a result. Batman’s iron will and ultimate coolness stops him from losing his marbles completely but he still gets affected, and the crazy acid trips he goes on are awesome. Firstly they slip seamlessly into the game, and you really won’t notice Scarecrow is near until normal stuff around you in the level starts to go really weird. Cockroaches will swarm from the walls in their thousands, it will start raining, even though you are indoors, the wind will pick up, Batman will encounter his dead parents lying on the floor, in body bags, you will turn into the Joker or Scarecrow when lightning flashes, and then you will be sucked into Scarecrows world. This is an immensely creepy level, each time you encounter him, where the game turns into a sort of side scrolling platformer, with Scarecrow, huge and satanic, suspended in the back ground. You basically have to make it to the end of the level without being spotted, which is accidently stepping into the pale orange light coming from his eyes as he scans the dark level for Batman. It is like going on the most evil of drug induced mind trips and it’s easily a highlight of the game.

It’s a stunning looking game. Of course there’s lots of awesome looking games on today’s mighty consoles, and having recently played God of War III I can see the competition is extremely high. What is interesting about Arkham Asylum is that it still manages to be fantastic looking and cross two platforms. Play other games that are on the Xbox and PS3, such as Bayonetta, and you will notice they often struggle to be on both. Batman doesn’t, and in HD it really is a good looking game. The most impressive thing has to be the character animations. On lots of other pretty recent games this is often a tough one to pull off but they really are amazing. They manage to move and flex like a real person, but still maintain that comic book-esque look about them. Batman is particularly well defined having every bit of stubble, eye and facial movement enhanced perfectly and even his cape flows realistically and smoothly when reacting to his movements. The cut scenes are identical to the gameplay in quality and the level detail of the Asylum itself is immensely high. It really is flawless and one of the best looking games on the PS3.

What’s bad?

The boss fights are a little unimpressive. There is not a lot to criticise here, but one thing that did play on my mind was how unspectacular the boss fights are. It’s probably the fault of the industry as everything these days has to have epically huge boss fights, but the ones in Batman are a bit tame. Killer croc is a particularly intimidating enemy but he is defeated so easily, by simply lobbing batarangs at his electrified collar and them making him fall down a hole. Poison Ivy is probably the most impressive boss fight, as she puts herself into a massive flower, but again its over a bit too easily and, lets face it, it’s a flower! The game seems to prefer throwing many normal enemies at you whilst dealing with a boss, rather than a proper boss fight, a good example of which is your final duke out with the Joker at the end. You don’t really fight him directly at all, instead you have to fight 3 big waves of normal henchmen. Don’t get me wrong, they are not a walk over and having to dodge a charging titan whilst fighting off 20 thugs is pretty tough, and it is still pretty good fun as you get to use the excellent combat system, but I cant deny they are a bit easy and a bit subdued.

You don’t get to keep any of your upgrades and there is nothing really, other than the satisfaction of victory, to reward you if you play again. I will always have a criticism of games that don’t allow you to keep anything hard earned during gameplay, the upgrades in Batman being one of them. As is always the case with such things, you can’t keep everything as it will interfere with the story, allow you to go to places you shouldn’t in context, etc and all the good stuff you only get to use for the last third of the game or so. I’ve earned it, and I want to keep it basically. Plus even if you do unlock everything you only get one decent bit of kit, which is an armoured Batman costume, but you can only use it in the challenge mode, not the story. So that’s a bit useless, and everything else is just character bios, literature or trophies. They offer relatively interesting information on the characters, but it only really appeals to fans, and if you are a fan you probably know it all already. So despite the huge amount to unlock, it really only offers self satisfaction as a reward for completion.

Conclusion

Batman: Arkham Asylum is easily one of the best games I have played so far on my PS3. It really is good and I know next to nothing about the comics. It’s just such a flawless game with so little to find fault with. The combat is truly excellent, so smooth, so satisfying, so awesome to look at, as is the stealth tactics of taking down armed guards silently. It’s simple but works well. By doing these two forms of attack you will use an arsenal of gizmos and gadgets, all of which unique, very handy and upgradable. It really has captured the comic book world of Batman as well and it looks fantastic. There are many things to find that will unlock further character info and trophies and expand the otherwise linear game further. There are a few things to whinge and gripe about, the boss fights, for example, are a bit tame, and rewards for completion are pretty slim or pointless, but the whole experience is so much fun you really wont care. If you have not played this yet, you are missing out.CA.

Summary:

Is it user-friendly/easy to get into? – 9.0

Very simple to get started, and it generally eases you in gently to everything.

Is the story any good? – 8.0

It’s a little predictable and convenient, but does exactly what it’s supposed to do.

How does it look? – 9.5

It’s a fantastic looking game, especially considering it crosses two platforms. Character animation and level detail stand out.

How does it sound? – 9.5

All background music and sound effects are excellent. The thudding of fists against skulls is sickeningly satisfying. Voice acting is borderline perfection, Mark Hamills Joker is absolutely spot on.

Is it good to play? – 9.0

Free flowing combat works so very well, easy to get into, satisfying to master. Stalking armed thugs silently also works well, as does unloading Batman’s arsenal of gadgets. Boss battles are a little underwhelming, but you really won’t care.

When will I get bored? – 8.0

Potentially you can lose months of your life doing this, as there is the sizeable main story, and hundreds of Riddler puzzles, secrets, character bios and trophies to unlock. Then there is challenge mode for those that simply want to beat up henchmen and stalk armed thugs. But you don’t get to keep any upgrades, if you’re not a comic book fan the unlockables won’t mean much to you, and if you are, you will probably know them all already.

OVERALL – 9.0

Review created by C. Armstrong.

Runescape – Armadyl God Wars Guide

British Elites Runescape Clan

Introduction

Armadyl God Wars Guide

Armadyl God Wars Guide

Hi, welcome to my Armadyl Guide. I haven’t been a lot arma myself but I know the basics.
Armadyl is to me one of the harder gwd bosses. He’s also the only boss that you can’t attack with melee. The name of the boss is Kree’arra but most people just call him arma. Kree’arra attacks with range and mage.

BEWARE THAT THIS IS A SOLO GUIDE!

Requirements

Like every gwd boss a player should have some decent skills to be able to kill Kree’arra.

Minimum stats

– 60 strength or agility
– 70 range

Recommended stats

80 + range
70+ defence
44 + prayer
( 52 summoning )

Monsters and Killcount

To get your killcount I would advice you to kill the low level aviansies ( lvl 69,73 and 79).
When you are inside Kree’arra’s lair there are 4 different kinds of monsters. This is Kree’arra and the other 3 are his minios.

Kree’arra

Armadyl God Wars Guide Kree’arra

Armadyl God Wars Guide Kree’arra

To kill Kree’arra you should pray range, otherwise you’ll be dead in a few seconds…
He will use a kind of attack style that will blow you away, don’t worry it is normal just run back to the place where you would like to stay

Wingman Skree (level-143)
Magic attacks
Flockleader Geerin (level-149)
Ranged attacks
Flight Kilisa (level-159)
Melee attacks

Best order to kill them:
1.Kree’arra
2.Wingman Skree
3.Flockleader Geerin
4.Flight Kilisa

Gear & Setup

It is always important to wear good gear. Can you chose whatever you want to wear but if you want to get a serious number of kc you should have some good gear.

!!! NEVER FORGET TO BRING A MITHRIL GRAPPLE !!!

Poor setup

Helmet– Verac > Armadyl > Torag > Neitiznot
Amulet– Ranging > Glory > Armadyl Pendant
Cape– Accumulator.
Body– Saradomin/Zamorak > Karil > Black D’hide
Legs– Karil > Saradomin/Zamorak > Black D’hide
Bow– Rune C’bow.
Shield– Blessed Spirit > Dragon Sq. > Spirit > Granite
Gloves– Best Rfd > Bracers/Vambs
Bolts– Ruby and Broad

Armadyl God Wars Guide Poor person Setup

Armadyl God Wars Guide Poor person Setup

Rich setup

Helmet– Verac > Armadyl
Amulet– Fury > Ranging > Glory
Cape– Accumulator
Body– Armadyl
Legs– Armadyl
Bow– Rune C’bow
Shield– Elysian > Spectral > Dragonfire
Gloves– Barrows
Bolts– Ruby and Diamond

Armadyl God Wars Guide Rich person Setup

Armadyl God Wars Guide Rich person Setup

Invent and Kc

This are just examples of inventoris, you can bring whatever you want.

Armadyl God Wars Guide Invent

Armadyl God Wars Guide Invent

Armadyl God Wars Guide Invent

Armadyl God Wars Guide Invent

Now for the kc I advise you to kill the lowest level aviansies, everything under lvl 90

Armadyl God Wars Guide Kill Count(KC)

Armadyl God Wars Guide Kill Count(KC)

When you are ready ( 40 kc )go to this door and good luck to you my friend!

Armadyl God Wars Guide Door to the Lair

Armadyl God Wars Guide Door to the Lair

Getting there

Methods

1. Teleport to Trollheim ( blue route ) – ( trollheim teleport requires 2 laws and fires )
2. Use games necklace and teleport to burthrope games room ( red route )

Armadyl God Wars Guide Getting there

Armadyl God Wars Guide Getting there

Rewards/ drops
• Armadyl helmet
• Armadyl chestplate
• Armadyl plateskirt
• Armadyl hilt

British Elites Runescape Clan

Runescape – The Fist Of Guthix Guide

Well first of All you need to know what fist of guthix is and what it you can do there

Fist of Guthix is a minigame located in the wildy. ( not far tho 😀 )

As show below there are several ways to get to FOG ( fist of guthix )

Method 1: Walking

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Walking to FOG

Method 2 : Via Ring of Dueling

runescapefogguide2
Ring of Dueling to FOG

Ring of Dueling to FOG

when you arrive at Fist of Guthix you firstly have to check some things out before you can begin.

BEGINNING

In Fist Of guthix there are some people you can Talk to :

runescapefogguide3
FOG Getorix

Getorix:

FOG Getorix

Alran:

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FOG Alran

Pontimer:

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FOG Pontimer

The Banker:

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FOG The Banker

at last but not least Reggie:

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FOG Reggie

Getorix , Alran and Pontimer tell you stuff about how the name Fist Of Guthix was chosen and tell you some historic stories 🙂

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Spending FOG Tokens With Reggie

At Reggie you can spend the Fist Of Guthix tokens for gear like this :

you can also buy Fishing Gloves , Dragon slaying gloves and gloves from Bronze up to Dragon.

THE GAME:

Before You Begin Talk to Fiara located near the waiting room:

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Talk to Fiara To Begin FOG

She will tell you some things and give you an Intro into the game and how things are done

INVENTORY:

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FOG Inventory

Upon entering the game you will get 4 basic things.

1. bandages heal 15 hp each

2. 1000 elemental runes these represent : water,fire,earth and air

3. 300 catalyctic runes these represent : blood , death , chaos etc.

4. a tele-orb this orb will teleport you straight to the middle of the game so you will be able to collect points at a faster rate then at the side walls

GEAR:

Of course Fist of Guthix is a safe minigame so you Don’t lose anything when going into the game (including arrows and bolts etc)

runescapefogguide11
Suggested FOG Inventory

My Gear :

Suggested FOG Inventory

You can ALWAYS wear something else.

Helm : Neit > any helm you like

Body : Barrows > Mystic > D hide

Legs : Barrows > Mystic > D hide

Weapon : GS > Any wep you like

Shield : DFS > BSS > any Shield you like

Boots : Dragon > Inf boots > Any boots you like

Gloves > Barrows > any Gloves you like

Cape : Soul Wars cape > Skill cape > Any cape you like

Ring : Any Ring you Like

Arrows/Bolts: Any Bolts you like

Amulet : Any Amulet you like

PS : this setup can ALWAYS be changed doesnt matter what level you are what gear YOU have this is MY setup change it any way you like 🙂

BEGINNING THE GAME :

waiting room : Here you can wait till the game begins.

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Beginning FOG

In The Game you have TWO sort of Factions Hunted and Hunter just like bounty hunter.

HUNTED:

Firstly when hunted pick up a stone:

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Beginning FOG hunted pick up a stone

Then Run to the Middle or keep running around the corners until you are found by your Hunter.

runescapefogguide14
FOG – Where To Go When Hunted

HUNTER:

runescapefogguide15
FOG – Beginning As The Hunter

Follow the Arrow on the Minimap if you have spotted him just like in Bounty Hunter or at Barrows.

When Finished : both players have killed each other and tried to get as many charges as they could:

runescapefogguide16
FOG – The Rewards!

With The Points You can get reward at reggie as mentioned before.

PS: Its Best to use magic gear and do burst/blitz/barrage/entangle as your Target can Run away and Hide.

I HOPE YOU LIKED MY GUIDE ! 🙂

Bayonetta Review 04/05/2010

It has its moments but its hours and hours of dull, skill free button mashing, stupid story telling, awful pacing and repetitive boss fights. The worst thing I have played on my PS3 so far.

I must instantly state that I wasn’t that fussed on the Devil May Cry series, the creator of which, Hideki Kamiya, directed Bayonetta, and his influence is very noticeable throughout this game. I didn’t necessarily dislike Devil May Cry but the pacing is pointy and the combat is too overblown, too complex and too unrewarding for gamers who’s skill levels are anything less than elite. Don’t think of me as an opinionated ignoramus though as I’m not fussed on RPG’s either but I tried and loved Fallout 3, so I am always more than willing to experiment. I did however pick up Bayonetta with a suspicious mind set, regardless of how critically acclaimed it was, so did it manage to prove to me that my cynical nature is well and truly unjustified? Hundreds of years ago, in an ancient town called Vigrid, there were two factions preserving the balance between light (Paradiso/Heaven) and dark (Inferno/Hell): The Umbra Witches, which drew their powers from the dark, and the Lumen Sages, that drew theirs from the light. The two factions had two powerful gems called the left and right eyes of the world which they used to oversee their just passage of time. But at some point way in the past, these two gems went missing and the two factions disappeared from society. Bayonetta comes into the story after awakening from a 500 year sleep with no memory at all and a small red gem in her possession. In the twenty years after her long sleep she has become quite a notorious angel killer and figure of dark powers, and although she has flash backs from time to time, her memory has not really returned at all. She still has the red gem in her possession and believes it is the “left eye” from the “eyes of the world”. When she discovers that someone may have found the “right eye” she goes off on a mission to find that someone and hopefully regain her broken memories. Things, as always, turn out to be not that simple, as angels are constantly trying to kill her, as are the Cardinal Virtues, 4 huge angelic beasts, and she uncovers a heavenly conspiracy that could bring about the end of the world. Plus she also wants to find out who she is and where she came from etc.

What’s good?

The action and combat is easily the highlight of Bayonetta. If you like you’re combat to be visually creative and over the top, with little skill required, then this will probably be what you are looking for. Bayonetta punches and kicks and uses her four guns to spin all over the place like a death wielding merry go round. Firstly the sheer number of combos has to be noted as it will feel infinite. You can combine the square and triangle buttons (punches and kicks) in so many ways, mostly resulting in ludicrous and big moves, that you won’t know where to start. Then there’s the most impressive thing which is the use of Bayonetta’s “wicked weave” technique, where she uses her hair – yes it sounds daft, but stick with it – to form shapes of enormous feet and fists to perform pulverising mighty finishing moves that will splatter the largest of angelic beasts into little pieces of halo’s. She also uses her mighty mane to perform finishing moves that involves her using her hair to form even more outrageous hellish beasts, such as massive wolves, spiders and birds, to tear the larger bosses into many bloody little pieces. She also performs individual moves such as a powerful punch, that blasts enemies away, a handy heel slide, where she zooms along the floor blasting away and a break dance move where she spins all over the place firing wildly. It is crazy. She also gets some additional weapons, like some shot guns instead of her pistols, a very impressive samurai sword and a whip, that unfold a whole new set of combos and death moves. All weapons dropped by enemies can also be picked up, such as huge lances, axes and claws, that will unleash more combos still, that generally involve slicing and dicing angels into little pieces. Bayonetta cant block attacks (more on that in a bit) but she does have the rather excellent “witch time” counter. Just before an enemy lands a blow you can hit the R2 button and she will evade and trigger “witch time” which slows time to a crawl, for a limited period, and you can use this time to batter the slow moving enemies as they feebly miss you completely. It is totally vital when evading and doing damage to many enemies at once. She also shape shifts to deal with certain environments, such as turning into a panther to give her super speed and agility. Finally there are my favourite torture attacks. When Bayonetta has enough magic built up she can summon various enormous torture devices, such as guillotines, chain nooses, iron maidens, epically huge chain saws, and various other implements of torture with spikes and chains on them, to cut and slice enemies into taking huge damage and get turned into a bloody pulp. You will charge through the action in this game with all these enormous feet, fists, beasts and torture devices blasting from portals all around you wondering how in the hell you are performing them. It is a visual treat and ideal for those who like hugely over the top action.

The enemy and boss fights are unique and on a grand scale. The enemy in this are really interesting and although compromise the armies of heaven, they look like nightmarish creatures from the depths of hell, but painted white. You have normal angels which look like evil eagles, but also huge clawed fast moving beasts, creepy looking bright white female figures, with no eyes, that fire lasers at you, and giant axe wielding ogre type things with cherub faces. “Weird” is one way of describing them, but I found them very unique and thought they looked fantastic. These guys are mere appetisers for the boss battles though who are huge in scale. Everything seems to have an enormous boss battle these days, so it’s nothing new, but it will please those who like grand scaled boss fights. They will come at you in all sorts of crazy ways, ranging from pretty standard lunges and punches, to sprouting huge green eyes on purple tentacles that fire lasers at you. You will fight an enormous upside down head, with two dragon heads attached to it with wings, a huge face with massive arms and rotating fire spouting fingers, huge flying boats with oars that fire enormous missiles at you and all sorts of truly deranged but seriously impressive angelic monsters. It’s like going on the mother of all acid trips at various points.

There’s all the usual customising and weapon purchasing. Where would an action game be these days without a shop to buy new skills and weapons? Probably not very popular, so Bayonetta is no different. Halos are the currency for weapons and skills in this world, along with heavenly LP records and other jewels and things you can find by having a mooch around. Rodin owns the shop “Gates of Hell” where you can purchase and upgrade your weapons and skills as you go through, the more expensive they are, or the rarer the item is, the more damage it will do. Bayonetta is already pretty well equipped before you buy anything anyway, so it’s not vital to buy stuff but the option is there if you like that sort of thing. You can also buy lollipops, enchanted gems etc to give Bayonetta more health, make her deal more damage for a time and all the usual stuff you would expect from any game these days.

What’s bad?

The load times and screen tearing are interminable. Never have I seen a game struggle so much to be on a Playstation 3. It cannot do anything without a good 5 to 10 second load, literally. Every time you pick up an object, a book revealing some story, go into a cut scene or even press the sodding pause button it will have to load. Out of the several hours it takes to complete the game I reckon a good third of that time will have been spent staring at a load screen, in silence. I had previously read it was quite bad and I made the mistake of thinking “a few seconds here and there can’t be that bad surely” but I assure you, having been through it, you cannot possibly live with it or at any point not be annoyed by it. There is a screen tearing issue as well. The graphics are generally pretty good, and the in game graphics work just fine, but the cut scenes, to which there are hundreds, are awful. They just stutter, fragment, pause, lose quality and never ever look how they are supposed to. There are far too many cut scenes for a start (more on that a bit) but all these problems simply make an already crap part of the game even crapper. I hear the Xbox 360 version isn’t as bad, but still suffers quite a lot.

The button mashing combat gets dull very quickly. There is obviously a market for button mashers, an aspect of gaming I will never understand or appreciate, as there seems to be so many of them churned out, but Bayonetta easily takes the gold medal home as king of the button mashers. It definitely looks good, but you can quite literally do this game with a blindfold on by just hammering every button at your disposal. What makes it worse is that it seems to discourage learning moves and combos as the enemy will give you no chance to attack using logic or calculated combos, and if you get stuck at a certain place you are far better off just switching your brain off and battering those buttons. You will soon be victorious by doing so, rather ridiculously. How does that make sense? Its even worse on the “automatic mode” which will literally do everything for you, you need only control the movement of Bayonetta, plus you will destroy every enemy by lightly sneezing in their direction, as they get killed so quickly and easily, and it is just so utterly pointless and ludicrously easy. There is an even easier difficulty but I didn’t bother with it. What’s the point in playing a game you don’t have to play? Who could this possibly appeal to? There is also far too many combos to get to grips with, you simply don’t need that many as it’s far too overwhelming and far too easy to perform a combo you didn’t mean too, as some can be completely ineffective at the wrong time. God of War III doesn’t have that many individual moves but manages to be one of the best combat systems ever made. Like everything in Bayonetta it’s just far too over the top. The fact she can’t block either gets very frustrating and such a fighting heavy game really needs some sort of block action. I found myself constantly going for a block button that wasn’t there and simply taking damage instead. Although the witch time counter is quite good it’s not instinctual in the slightest and not at any point did I get used to it. There are also mini game sections where you have to input specific buttons at certain times, just like God of War, but only a super human that can stop time itself will have reactions quick enough to deal with them. Even if you know what’s coming it’s unbelievably difficult to get the timing just right and you will always have a million goes at each one before success. The action and combat is a perfect case of all style and no substance.

The story is monumentally stupid and told in a monumentally stupid way. Not only did I not understand the story in any way, but I didn’t really like it either after I looked it up on Wikipedia. It’s basically identical to the story in Devil May Cry 4 where some deluded powerful being is trying to create a deity that will bring about the destruction of earth, but will usher in a new Eden in the process blah blah blah. Then there’s something about a left and right eye, one for light and one for dark, that I also never really fathomed, some sort of festival on an island, or something, I didn’t really get it. It ranges from very familiar ground to total confusion, and then they had to chuck in an utterly stupid and pointless love interest, some amnesia, the ultimate plot detail of choice for writers who are totally out of ideas, and a small girl which, even though I’ve had her explained to me, I still don’t understand. This unoriginal, confusing and cheesy tale wouldn’t be so bad if it were told well, but it is most definitely not. Everything is told in cut scenes which come thick and fast persistently interrupting the game after every little battle, which are still images (so its like looking at photos) in a film strip style. They are about as visually appealing as wallpaper samples, just as informative and you will care as much about the story as a result. You learn very little until the very end as well, and when it finally all stops you won’t feel like much has been explained, or that much has been achieved, and you are only marginally better informed. After the credits you are then treated to one of the most awful and pointless music video cinematics, with Bayonetta dancing to a techno beat with angels in the back ground as back up dancers. It is squirm inducing, sphincter tightening bollocks, has no relevance whatsoever and you can almost hear the noise of a thousand masturbating teenage boys whilst it’s on.

The characters are total rip-offs and their dialogue is overly cheesy and irritating. The various other characters are rip offs from other more renowned characters, such as a Danny De Vito look a like called Enzo, who even sounds just like him, and a Morpheus rip off who constantly comes out with lame stereotyped babblings, such as “right on baby” in a Barry White styled tone. Bayonetta herself is the queen of talking shite throughout the game coming up with such crap as “as long as theirs music, I will keep on dancing” and the awful cheesy dialogue between her and another Umbra witch, called Jeanne, is even more excruciating. It’s like they are both Bond movie villains. After not too long the rubbish script and persistent gobshite all the characters spout gets very dull very quickly and you will instantly be skipping all cut scenes on your second play through, after a good long loading screen though of course.

The pacing is awful. My main issue is that the action and story telling just stops and starts constantly, so frequently and without warning. It generally goes that, after half an hour of loading, you will have a long and laborious story based cut scene, followed by another long and laborious cut scene describing what enemy you are about to fight (twenty minutes of loading in-between them as well), you have a 5 minute battle (or if its on easy, a 5 second battle), walk up a road for a few seconds and then another long and laborious cut scene. Rinse and repeat thereafter. Occasionally a puzzle is thrown in, but they are all insultingly simple. You are never allowed to simply just get on with it, or fight a few battles one after the other and it constantly just stops and starts. After not too long you will start getting really impatient with the persistently interrupting cut scenes, and compared with games such as God of War III, where combat and story telling flow seamlessly into each other, it is infuriating.

The enemies and boss fights are constantly recycled and very repetitive. Despite the originality of the enemies there is really only a couple of different types, the only difference being how many they throw at you at once. “So what” you may think, all games do that, which is true, but the problem is Bayonetta does it with bosses as well. Despite the impressive size and look of the bosses they are constantly re-used. There are only a couple of bosses but tons of boss fights so the same boss will be thrown at you again and again, often with two of them instead or something equally uninspiring and lame. When you defeat the massive thing with long arms and spinning fingers for the third time, you start to wonder how many times you have to kill the dam things. They are all defeated using an identical technique as well, as they all have tentacles or multiple heads, and you have to hammer away at them for a bit, then run up their arm and slap them round the face a bit, and repeat. Then later on you will have to do the same thing again as they will be recycled. Why do they keep getting brought back to life? Of course there is no explanation. Why not come up with another boss, it’s not like the game or its creator is short of creation? It just makes the unique and fantastic looking bosses repetitive and dull.

The camera angle is constantly facing the wrong way. How hard can getting a camera angle right on a computer game be? All it needs to do is show you what’s going on or what’s coming at you and give you enough space visually to react. The camera in Bayonetta seems to be on a mission to obscure as much as conceivably possible as often as possible, by constantly focussing on her face. This isn’t so bad about half the time when in combat areas, as you move all over the place attacking enemies, but when in an action scene where you are running away from something. It will automatically focus straight on her and you can’t see a bloody thing, and considering most things come at you from the front in such situations you get hit all the time and you can do nothing to avoid it. You can move the camera angle, sure, but it is so slow that ice ages will have come and gone by the time it is facing in a decent direction, and if you are, for example, trying to outrun a lava tidal wave, you do not have time to move the view at all and you have to resort to trial and error. It sucks!

Conclusion

This game feels like it was designed by a load of 40 year old men, who have never had much luck with the ladies, where clearly unpopular nerds at school, have never been cool or had many friends, and were asked to design what they believe is a “sexy” and “sassy” game, for 14 year old virgin boys. It’s trying far too hard to be cool and stylish, which will always make it an automatic failure in that department, and it is just cheesy and irritating. Regardless of how cool it is, my main issue is there just isn’t that much to like here. I’m not a fan of button mashing games at all, but this is really the pinnacle of requiring absolutely no thought, skill, talent or anything at all to play through, especially on the automatic mode. You can quite literally do it with your eyes closed, and often you are better off that way, as long as you keep battering those buttons. Little to no directional input is required, only the slight pausing occasionally of mashing buttons and Bayonetta will do something ever so slightly different. Added to the fact the story is mindlessly confusing or “an explosion in an Edam factory” cheesy, then there’s constant intrusive cut scenes that are no fun to watch in anyway, as they are not even proper cinematics, the repetitive boss fights that all manage to be exactly the same to fight regardless of shape and size, the awful stop and start pacing and the infinite amount of time the game spends loading every conceivable action you can think of, makes me really struggle to think of reasons to bother playing it. Plus the graphics tear and jitter constantly and the music sucks. Yes the combat looks good, visually, and the bosses are huge but I assure you it is a case of all style and no substance. The “Witch time” counter is quite good, but it really needs a block as well. To make it even worse still is that the competition has it well and truly beaten. You want to play an action game, with hundred-hit-combos, epic boss battles and in this perspective? Then play God of War III. Kratos is still the king and it is one of the best action games ever. Not a fan of Kratos? Then you have Batman: Arkham Asylum, again, a relatively similar but far superior game in every way. Not a fan of Bruce Wayne and you absolutely have to button mash and fight demons and angels? Then you have the hugely impressive Darksiders. Not only is it very similar to Bayonetta, but it is again a far better game in every conceivable way, especially in button mashing combat and story telling, plus, I personally would rather play as “War” the horseman of the apocalypse, than a Barbie doll from “the dark side” with magic hair. Do you like the Devil May Cry series and reckon Bayonetta is a worthy heir? Definitely not. It looks similar but the combat is nothing like it and she isn’t nearly as cool as Nero, neither is her story as interesting. Bayonetta may give you a quick, cheap thrill, but that’s where it will end and even if your heart is absolutely set on this game, despite all that sucks and the many far superior titles, I would still only recommend giving it a rent as it will get dull quickley.CA.

Summary:

Is it user-friendly/easy to get into? – 8.0

It’s easy to get into, yes, in the same way it’s easy to saw off your own legs. Simple things are not always pleasurable. Will be very familiar stuff for most gamers.

Is the story any good? – 5.0

No. The whole witches vs sages thing is mildly interesting, but it’s ruined by total confusion and cheesy crap. A seriously lame love interest coupled with amnesia, for Christ’s sake, will put a bored uninterested expression on your face throughout.

How does it look? – 7.0

The enemy and bosses look really unique and most in game graphics look really good. Cut scenes tear, jitter and generally dick about though. It really struggles to be on the PS3.

How does it sound? – 7.0

Sound effects of battle and boss fight’ music is really good, proper dramatic, but all normal fights are accompanied by the same awful jazz song with a techno beat. It’s not of a bad quality it is just a seriously lame tune that irritated me constantly.

Is it good to play? – 5.0

The combat looks impressive, the bosses are huge, and it may initially please, but after not too long you will realise this is the ultimate in talentless, unskilled, repetitive button mashing. Ray Charles could complete this game, no problem. Very little directional input required, far too many combos to learn, all not distinctive at all, the few puzzles there are, are infantile in their simplicity, coupled with constant loading, constant interruption through awful cut scenes, constant recycling of bosses and several ridiculous action set pieces, such as riding a missile, makes this a far too over the top game with all style over substance.

When will I get bored? – 8.0

Potentially there is a lot to keep you playing as there is lots of expensive skills and weapons to buy that you cannot get after just one go, and lots of secrets to find. I got bored half way through my second go, personally, and the competition has it well and truly beat.

OVERALL – 6.0

Review created by C. Armstrong.

Runescape – Ivy and Farming Combined Guide

Requirements:
– 9 Farming (higher is advised though)
– 68 Woodcutting (for Ivy)

Suggested levels:
– Higher Farming
– 51 Magic (For Ardougne Teleport)

Item Requirements:
– Rune/Dragon Hatchet or Inferno Adze
– Herb seeds (Toadflax if you want big profit, Highest possible herb seeds if you want experience)
– Flower seeds (Optional)
– Allotment seeds (Optional)
– Payments for the other seeds (If you want to be sure your Allotment patches will stay alive)

Here is a link to Zybez’ Farming information [link in the text]
– Super Compost (optional)
– about 250 gp cash, to buy Plant Cure.
– Regular farming equipment (Spade, Rake, Seed Dibber)

Suggested/Usefull Items:
– Magic Secateurs (for more herbs per patch)
– Ardougne Cloak 3+elite (for teleporting to the Ardougne patch) If you don’t have one, just use runes to teleport to Ardougne.
– Falador Shield 2 (for more herbs when farming Falador patch)
– Explorers Ring 3 (for teleporting to the Falador patch, this one is needed for effective farming)
– Ectophial (for teleporting to the Morytania Patch)

Useful information:
– You can use your farmed items (herbs, allotments and flowers) on the Leprechaun to receive them in notes. This makes mass-farming very easy.
– Weeds can NOT be noted, so make sure you drop/bank these.
– It’s useful to have a decent amount of Supercompost stored in the Leprechaun.
– You can note your payments, making it easy to take the payments for several trips.

Your inventory and gear should look somewhat like this:

Image


Inventory and gear required

Explanation to the picture:

Gear:
Ardougne Cloak 3+elite, this is very hard to get, but I took runes too, so you can see a regular set-up.

Magic Secateurs
Falador Shield 3, I have 3, but 2 is sufficient.
Explorers ring 3, this is the highest possible, but it’s very easy to get.

Inventory:
8 Supercompost, this is enough for the herbs and the flowers for one trip.
24 herb seeds, this is for 6 trips using 4 patches. There is a 5th patch, which is usefull, but certainly not necessary.
24 flower seeds (marigold seeds used to show what to take), same as the herb seeds.
144 allotment seeds (potato used to show), 3 seeds per patch, 2 patches per set, 4 set per trip, 6 trips for a round. 2*3*4*6 = 144 seeds.
48 buckets of compost (payment for the potatoes), 2 buckets of compost per patch, 2 patches per set, 4 sets per trip, 6 trips for a round. 2*2*4*6 = 96 buckets of compost (or 48 units of payment)
Ectophial to teleport to the Morytania patch.
18 Law Runes for 6 Camelot teleports and 6 Ardougne Teleports.
30 Air Runes for 6 Camelot teleports.
12 Water Runes for 6 Ardougne teleports.
Farming Equipment

As you can see, I forgot the coins. If you come to the same conclusion while cutting ivy, run to Draynor, and grab some cash

How to start:

1) Teleport with the Ectophial to the Ectofuntus near Port Phasmatys.
2) Walk north, then west, past the farm to get to the first set of farming patches. Remove all the weeds per patch and start planting the seeds per patch.
Use Supercompost on your herb patch before planting your herb seed. There is a chance your herb-plant can die. With Supercompost, this chance is reduced.
Depending on your Flower seed, you might want to use Supercompost. This is advised when using Limpwurt seeds.
Plant your Allotment seeds per patch, without the Supercompost. Use the “Pay-(Location) for both the patches.

3) Teleport to Ardougne with either your runes, or the Ardougne Cloak. When teleporting with the runes, walk to the northern city gate, proceed further north, climb over the first stile, over the second stile, and open the fence at the cows. Walk north and you’ll find patch-set 2.
Repeat the actions said in step 2.

4) Teleport to Camelot. Walk east and a bit south and you’ll find patch-set 3. This is the Catherby patch-set. Repeat step 2 again.
5) This is your final step for starting. Teleport to the Falador Farming patch-set with the “Cabbage-port”-option on your Explorers Ring 3. Repeat step 2.

After you’ve planted your seeds and paid the farmer, walk north.
You’ll end up at Falador’s South wall. There are 7 spots where ivy will grow, start cutting them.

Image


Ivy Cutting

As you can see below, if you turn your camera the correct way, you can see your herb patch.

Image


Herb patch

This patch is your “timing-patch”. If you notice the herbs are getting diseased, use a Plant Cure on the patch. Keep cutting the ivy until you notice the herbs are fully grown. You’ll notice this if it shows the option “Pick Herbs”.

Now it’s time to do your new farming run.

6) Teleport to Ectofuntus again.
7) Your patches will all be done. Start harvesting your allotment. When you’re done with the patch, use the farmed items on the Leprechaun to receive notes. You can do this for every item you’ll gain from farming.
Harvest the other patches at the area, plant new seeds (as said in step 2), pay the farmer and click Exchange on the Leprechaun. Click on the empty buckets in your inventory tab. The Leprechaun will store them.

8) Teleport to Ardougne, repeat step 3. When you arrive, harvest, plant, note, and pay the farmer as said in step 7.
9) Teleport to Camelot and walk to the Catherby patch-set. When you arrive, repeat step 7.
10) You are now close to a bank. You can take the empty buckets out of the Leprechaun’s storage. Go to the bank, which is located south of the patches. Bank the empty buckets, nests obtained from the ivy and whatever you want to bank. I suggest keeping the noted items in your investory. This is a great motivation and an easy way to check how much profit you’ve made.

11) Teleport to the Falador patch-set and repeat step 7.

Walk back to the ivy and start chopping again.
Again, when you notice your herb is diseased, cure it.

Every ~75 minutes, you’ll be able to farm the herbs.

In the 75 minutes you’ll be chopping ivy, you’ll most likely gain between 90k and 140k woodcutting experience.

In the end, your farming will go up in no-time, especially when you’re new to the members area. You’ll also gain a lot of woodcutting experience.

After about 300k woodcutting experience and a nice bit of food and sleep, I ended up with:

Image


Easy cash!

That’s some easy cash too, using just herbs.

Good luck getting some nice cash

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